Wednesday, January 30, 2013

168 Days

I hate these people more and more each day. It is almost palpable the vitriol I feel towards them. When I was in Korea I may have hated some of the people I would encounter on the street but at least I liked my students. These fucks I want to break in half every time they open their stupid fucking mouths to question something I'm doing .

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

169 Days Saudi shittiness vs. Korean shittiness

This is a very hard question. On it's face the answer is obviously Saudi but I want to revisit it in more detail later.

The head of the company is coming on Saturday to watch us teach these shit heads. The things working in my favor are as follows:

A) The students will not show up since they don't receive grades in this program and they are at the end of the semester.

B) I barely give a fuck

C) I show up to work and do a yeoman's job of teaching English

D) Not only is this a shitty country this is the second shittiest city in the shittiest region in Saudi so recruiting isn't the easiest thing in the world.

E) I can put on a teaching exhibition if I need to and he is only here to talk shit than leave.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Arrest story

This an excerpt from a chat I had with a friend on fb about my arrest since I really don't feel like retyping it.

I was walking to the gym yesterday and I saw this shitty car
and as you know shitty cars in Saudi is my muse
so I take a picture
this fuck in a dress runs out of his house
runs out screaming
and telling me to come over
I ignore him and keep a walking so I notice he is calling someone
so I'm walking and it is prayer time and I know that I have a problem so I take the side streets . All of the restaurants and shops are closed and I'm equal distance between the gym and my house
so I go to the gym
bad move.
I'm on the side streets and it is cool but after awhile their street design is so shitty that you have to go down this main avenue
So I'm going down and the cop car passes me but keeps going I get to the gyms parking lot so I think Im home free
all of sudden three cop cars roll up on me
they start asking me all kinds of questions about camera
I say don't have one i have this ipod .
SO they call the fat fuck who called the police up there and his bitch ass started asking me questions and then the dude grabbed my bag and I pushed his hands off of it .
The Saudi police didn't like that so they arrested me and took me to the station.
So they put me in a room with the "general" and he starts asking me for the foreigner id . I told him I don't carry it because if you lose it it cost 2000 dollars to replace
so he goes through my ipod and says these are some really bad pictures and then deletes them all
says I'm free to go but now I'm about 6 miles from my house and I only brought about 4 dollars so I don't have enough money to take a taxi .
The entire thing took like 4 hours but I did make some bomb ass burritos so the day wasn't a total loss

I did see the room with the drain in the floor for torturing . Sorry I didn't get a pic next time maybe.

Friday, January 25, 2013

To Mr Gates

Please feel free to browse my blog at your earliest. It will detail some of the places I've been and where I live now and why. And there is a Tumblr on the right with more pictures.

Day 174 Arrested

I got arrested today. I might tell you the story on Friday but def. on Saturday. If you know me on facebook do not mention it . I don't want to scare my wife

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

176 Days Filthy Classroom

This Camel has about an hour left on this planet. I took this picture in front of the camel butcher shop I walk past everyday.

Monday, January 21, 2013

177 days left in Saudi

I can't even write anything today because I'm so tired from the constant noise of children running around from 1-4 am. I hate these people and their stupid fucking culture a little more each day.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

178 I don't care anymore

This place is disgusting this is day two of no running water. This place has the hygiene of an Ethiopian refugee camp during the best of times. And right now we are in a facility filled with hundreds of people and no running water. I'm going to start wearing surgical gloves and a mask starting tomorrow. In other news two of my students went to jail for nearly killing a Bangladeshi man in the road.  My weight today is 109.0 kg

Saturday, January 19, 2013

179 Days No water

The school does not currently have water and water isn't expected until after 1pm at the earliest. In addition the copier isn't working so my textbook-free lesson plan has to be revamped to accomodate that. In a lighter note I have bought the game Far Cry 3. So far I must say I could give less than a fuck about rescuing white hipsters partying on some 3rd world island from a drug cartel.

Monday, January 14, 2013

184 days left

I have a  meeting to attend in which nothing of any value will be said or done.  The good thing is our group is so small that we don't even have the usual self-serving ass kiss who asks questions just to hear himself speak. 

My weight is 109.6 tonight is Chest and Arm Hypertrophy

Sunday, January 13, 2013

185 Days to the end of the contract. Countdown resumes

This is the door to a building I was locked inside of during one of their many daily prayers. You might be thinking well that is dumb what if there is a fire and you'd be right. But here religion trumps common sense so you do everything at your own peril. 

I was holding out the smallest flicker of hope that this shitty company would go out of business at the end of the month but alas it is not to be. I'll be stuck on this plantation of lunacy for 185 more days of bullshit 127 more class days. 

Saturday, January 12, 2013


Sorry for the blurry photos. I was walking while taking these pictures because taking pictures may or may not be something that could get you in trouble over here. This is a shot of a Saudi driving a car down the wrong side of the street because he is too lazy to drive  another 30 seconds to make an authorized  U turn. In Saudi the police are too lazy to walk to your car when they pull you over so they sit in the car and wait for you to walk back to them to see what they want. . 

So yesterday I was walking around and I actually saw a better gym directly across the street from where I work out. I go in and look around and I'm impressed with the place and then I look up on the walls and I see huge 4 foot pictures of famous American bodybuilders. The pictures are men in the traditional banana hammocks of professional bodybuilders. Except in these photos everything is pixelated like a Japanese porno from the bellybutton down.This begs the questions
A) If you find men in underwear offensive why put up the photos?
B) If you find men in underwear offensive why not crop the bottom half out?
C) If you are going to pixelate the body part being showcased why bother in the first place? 

Friday, January 11, 2013

Friday Apartment

So last night I walk home from the gym to indulge in one of the great pleasures of life. I love a hot shower with adequate water pressure. I know daily hot showers are the worst thing you can do for your skin but I just love the feeling of nearly scalding hot water running over my head. Yesterday I get home strip off all of sweaty workout clothes drop them in the washing machine and turn on the shower. Within 30 seconds the plug for the electrical tank starts to spark and catch on fire. My mind instantly flashes to my 3rd grade science class on electricity and I decided that standing in a puddle of water in a damp room with electrical sparks shooting out of the socket might not be a good idea.  Luckily there is a second bathroom and i no longer have a roommate. Yes children at one time on this stupid contract I had a roommate. I was able to take the plastic mop handle and shut off the power switch .

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Dumbest Place on Earth

This is what a good 70% of Saudi Arabia looks like .

I learned yesterday that the contract is up for the company I work for with the college I work at. So you might be saying to yourself Oh well next year things might change but what do you care your contract is up in 188 days anyway. Oh no children the contract is up at the end of January and I might be out of a job some time in Feb. Apparently they hired me and signed me to a one year deal without the capability of providing a year's worth of work. And the funny thing is everyone including the management of the company operates as if this isn't a strange occurrence. The organization I contract just spent 2,000 usd to rent an apartment for me for the next 6 months. They are still wasting time sending lower management around the country for training and they are still hassling me about my comings and goings. 

If the company loses the contract it will probably to a German company called Jizz educational. So my options are 
in order of preference 

Go back to Taiwan watch t.v. and play video games (study for m.a.)

Try my luck with German Jizz if my current company loses the contract

Transfer to a totally different company in a better part of this  hole and negotiate for 4 months of work. 

If my company retains the contract ( doubtful) finish my 188 days and then get  out of here.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Lazy 189 days left

This is the front desk staff at the hotel I live in. They are just as active and professional when they are awake.

So yesterday we had a staff meeting which is among the bigger waste of time considering that there are only 5 teachers and 1 supervisor. My boss; an American, told us that the Saudi brain trust decided that they now want us to turn in weekly lesson plans. The Saudi in charge of us has no direct ties or even authority over us and in fact he holds one of those no-show high salary jobs Saudi is famous for. In fact I think his main responsibility is making sure there is paper in the copier which  has been out of paper for at least a week now. This fuck stick gets here around 10 and leaves at 2 has decided that we don't do enough work so I'll write 7 lesson plans and I will keep submitting them over and over again until he notices. 

I forgot to post my weight today because I didn't weigh in. This morning I was too busy making my world class chicken salad. My chicken salad consists of two chicken breast brine overnight in a saltwater/sugar solution. I also use green apples 4 tablespoons of mayo, a 1/4 lb of salted and unsalted pecans  and cream cheese and 4 eggs . 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Tuesday 190 days left

I'm surrounded by the stupid and ineffectual. Yesterday the Saudi  brain trust decided to turn off water and power to the college at 9:30 a.m. I immediately released all of my students from subsequent classes because having hundreds of people in a building with no lights is unsanitary and unsafe. You would think that a member of management would be around to make the decision to close the school but no since the Saudis are lazy they don't get there until 10 a.m. if they decide to come at all and my supervisor was off  it was left to the second in command who couldn't make a decision on the matter until 1:00 pm. So we sat around in the dark for about 3 hours.

Yesterday I did my chest and arms hypertrophy workout. My weight is 109.3 as of this morning .

Monday, January 7, 2013

Monday Monday

For some reason they leave cars in the middle of the street when they are done with them so I pass at least a dozen of these cars everyday. I might start a Tumblr just for shitty cars abandoned on the side of the road. This car will be here forever.

I live in a hotel room and for the past 4 days there has been no internet service. Now you might be saying the network must be down in your region. Good guess but no. Well maybe there is a significant hardware failure in your area. Once again no . The problem is the hotel didn't pay the internet bill. That's it, the entire problem could go away for about 150.00 and it won't because everyone here is stupid and lazy when they aren't being corrupt.

Yesterday I had a good leg workout. My weight is at 110.3 I'm also doing a low-carb very high protein diet so I'm hoping for good results.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Sunday 192 days left. Reader Email

This is where they cut off heads with a giant sword children. You maybe saying to yourself  Wow they use to cut off heads there. No this is where they cut off people heads now . The last one happened in September so they should be due for another one in the next couple of months. 

Yesterday I fasted until 4 and then I had a double cheeseburger no bread a protein shake and then I did my 30 minute walk to the gym. 
I had a good hypertrophy back and shoulder workout. After I came home and ate  a chicken breast.  My weight today is 111.1 

One of my readers had this question.

I thought Saudi Arabia demands MAs and Phds from its Engrish teachers. Dya have a higher degree? If not, how did ya get the job?

Saudi Arabia is like a guy at a niteclub. In the beginning you only want to speak to 10's but at the end of the night a strong 4 will do. In May and June they demand Masters Degrees in Linguistics from Harvard. They will keep on with that dumb shit until they realize that those type of people won't come to Saudi. In August they look at their teaching roster and panic because they are only at 40% capacity and so they drop the dumber requirements. In October they may only reach about 60% of the required teachers and then they start to panic . This is the sweet spot . The contract being resigned is based on the companies ability to recruit and retain teachers. So if you have your paperwork, teaching experience (especially in Middle East/ Saudi) ,and you are willing to come you can negotiate a better deal than you can in September.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

This is the ugliest place I have ever been in my life. Everything is surrounded by huge 14 feet walls of poured concrete. It is down right depressing. I think the walls they construct around their buildings mirror the cultural walls they place around their physical bodies in the way they dress. The intellectual walls they place around their minds and the social walls they place in between themselves. Also young boys get snatched from schools driven out to the desert and raped fairly regularly. I have never been to prison but I'd imagine this place has the same sort of oppressive atmosphere on a smaller scale. 197 days more on the contract.

I had a fat weekend of Call of Duty/ Borderlands 2 , pizza , smoothies , popcorn and ice cream and my weight has ballooned up to a very unfortunate 111. kilograms. Today I'm going to do a back hypertrophy workout with an extra thirty minutes of cardio and I'm going to force my carb intake down to the single digits this week .

Friday, January 4, 2013

My future ex-wife Super Fantab Fatter Friday

Head of a sheep being ripped apart by the jaw.
For some reason I'm not allowed to comment on my own blog so I'll make a post to respond to my future second wife(2nd of 4 Saudi style). I drink a gallon of water because I believe it flushes out the kidneys and keeps the entire operation flowing. I also practice intermittent fasting and the eat stop eat technique as well. Using these techniques I have lost about 17 kilos.

I went to the gym had a great workout but I made my patented Apple Cinnamon Yogurt smoothies while eating nachos and playing the new Call of Duty so my weight is up to 110.2 . I'm fasting today and I might do a leg workout. Tomorrow I start a low carb diet to bust me out of the 109-110 ghetto I've been stuck in.

This is a picture of my gym. You maybe asking yourself why there is no light? Well children, Saudis pray 5x per day and during prayer time they turn off everything and lock the doors so if I am in the middle of a workout I have to complete it in the dark. Dangerous? You bet your sweet ass considering no one in Saudi re-racks anything properly so there are dumbbells, plates,collar locks, bars and other miscellaneous items all over the floor.
Here is what it looks like with the lights on. For atmosphere there is a Call to Prayer on a continuous loop and the t.v.'s are all tuned to a station that plays a video of people walking around in Mecca. Those t.v.'s stay on during prayer time .

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Fat Thursday

Here is a picture of a whole sheep I ate with about 9 other people sitting around it on the floor. The entire head is under the head I was given the honor of eating the eyeballs and tongue. Delish. 

I went hard last night on the eating I ate a personal pan pizza, ice cream sundae , cookies, milk Reese Cups ( which are a hard to find delicacy in Saudi Arabia) . My weight today is 110.1 kg I also fell down on their shitty barely paved streets and twisted my ankle.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Blackchild is back (possibly)

A lot of you are overly concerned about my finances but please rest assured that I live and work in a place that allows trucks like this one to be overturned on the main road for 2 weeks. I am at a school that has mandatory office hours and the country actually surpasses South Korea in ineptitude so there is a chance that I may start updating this blog more often with daily dispatches on the stupid . There is also a chance I'll just watch Game of Thrones during my breaks instead.

My current weight is 109.9 kg. Tonight I am going to do my PHAT power leg workout. I have been fasting since 10pm last night and I will break my fast at 4 pm today. I also drink a gallon of water everyday.