Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Live Chat with the King

Tonight you can chop it up with me about sex, politics, whatever live

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Shithead of the Week: Mario Masic Rochester Police

This is the shithead who arrested the lady for videotaping him in her front yard.

As if that isn't bad enough he is also a dog breeder.

After a long day of harassing Black men and arresting innocent citizens it is good to come home to friends.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Cops are bitches

I saw this on Gawker.

This is some scary police officer arresting a lady standing in her yard for taping police officers.

And this is how the bitches retaliate

In my opinion she had every right to shoot that officer in the head for attempting to kidnap her on her own property. The police don't have a right to order you inside of your home to thwart your ability to oversee their activities.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

This is why I don't give a fuck about America

This is part of an American political campaign ad.

To all the Black children out there it never mattered. It doesn't matter how hard you work to buy in to the American system. This is how they see us. We are the only people on the face of the Earth that it is o.k. to do this. Oh they'll try to tell you that if you change your diction and adopt our value system you can do anything. But the reality is this is how they see us. So why bother trying?

Monday, June 13, 2011

A concise history

It's funny because it is true.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

A day in my life

1:00 pm Hi,Michael,
Can you come to Taichung and have an interview this week?

1:02 pm Yes I can go to Taichung on Friday. ME

1:03 pm How about 1 oclock this Friday afternoon?

1:05 pm That sounds great Me

1:10 pm see you on friday.My phone number is 0932534536/0426656932
I can pick you at Shalu train station or Providence university in Shalu,Taichung

11:30 pm Text message with address

Text message
June 09 2011
Sorry we cant offer the position Melissa in Taichung

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Cops are still bitches Part 3 and Weekly video round up .

According to the Washington D.C. police he "fell out of his chair"

This is a video of hipster douchebags dancing at the Tommy J Memorial

O.k. just this once break out the batons and the tasers and start cracking heads.

Hipster Douchebag

This is dangerously bad judgement. I mean even from a practical standpoint of those numbers constantly changing and most people not wanting to be part of some deuches sleeve.

This video is about old Jewish men blowing newborns

Religion is among the dumbest things ever created by men. To think that Jewish space god wanted newborn baby boys mutilated and then sexually assaulted is laughable.

Now a palate cleanser

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Superman Syndrome

I read an interesting piece over at What the Kimchi about a white guy who couldn't fathom a person not singing the praises of Korean people. In my mind all it meant was he probably hasn't spent a lot of time speaking to Thai, Filipino, or Nigerian factory workers, Russian hookers, or South East Asian juicy girls. But it is deeper than that of course, the way those largely invisible people are treated would have no bearing on the perception and treatment of a white male from a wealthy western nation. The invisible privilege cloak that those men walk around with allows them to not only not see the disparate treatment of others , it also allows them to discount and marginalize the experiences other whose accounts are wildly different. It is sort of like living next door to a serial killer who was also the town's little league coach. They often bring that incredulity to the discussion of Korean culture vis-a-vis foreigners.

If you are at all familiar with Superman comics you know that Superman comes from Krypton a dead planet that orbited a red sun. On Krypton the boy known as Kal-El would have grown up to be an average shithead. But fate allowed him to be rocketed to a planet with a yellow sun. He found that he was bigger, stronger , faster and some ways smarter than the people of his new home. Instead of being a Kryptonian zero he was now an Earth hero. This is not dissimilar to the transformation a lot of white men go through as they step off the plane in Incheon airport. Suddenly they are slightly taller than all of the people around them. Women are finding them better looking and since these women speak low to intermediate English every word they utter is met with raucous adulation not seen since the death of Oscar Wilde. The streets of Seoul are literally overflowing with vagina and money. If you don't like your girl replace her with two more . If you don't like your job quit and get released and find a new one or don't get released and do private teaching for 50.00 to 80.00 per hour. Nothing they do will effect them adversely which leads to an almost bulletproof feeling just like Superman.

What's funny is these people actually think their situation is a product of some sort of personal goodness or innate quality that was invisible to the people they grew up with but was manifested and recognized by the inscrutable wise ancient Asian culture. Perhaps , but my theory is that the overvaluation of white skin has its roots in economic and cultural imperialism. For the past 600 years or so the Western European nations have dominated the global economic market coupled with the fact that most Asian countries put a premium on white skin has led to the fetish like worship of white people. As the stranglehold on the global marketplace waned it was replaced by the greatest intellectual imperialistic force in the history of mankind in the form of Hollywood. Every movie and t.v. shown on H.B.O and AXN is a celebration of white beauty, white talent, and white intelligence and you can be sure if the movie has a hero it is going to be a white man.

Damn it Mike I think you are just talking shit. Well perhaps let's see what's at the Box Office

Barry Switzer

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.

One might question why I singled out white men and quite frankly it is because I have never met a non-white male Hanophile. Sure , there are many people who had or are having a great time in Korea. But I have never personally met or read any non-white male speak effusively about their love of Korea. Most of the people I have met temper their praise of Korea by acknowledging that either the experience wasn't one hundred percent positive or a one hundred percent positive was not the norm. The white women I met also gave a more nuanced account because even though they enjoy even more privilege in Korea their egos aren't tied up in in bedding down Koreans. An average looking woman has had the ability to have sex on command since she was 13 years old and though in some ways creepier , Korea is nothing new.

So why the knee jerk defense of all things Korea? If I say it is a shit stain and they say it is Valhalla can't we both be right. I readily admit that my impression of Korea is colored by who I am as a person but I think the kimpartisans have a vested interest in defending the culture of Korea. If Korea holds them in high regards and I point out the myriad ways they are in fact shitheads whose opinions should never be trusted I have in essence lowered the value of their opinion of that person.

Ultimately, I don't expect them to recognize their privilege in Asia anymore than I expect them to recognize it in the U.S. I want them to keep singing Korea's name to the rafters but please don't act like I'm intellectually or socially deficient because my time in the Land of the Morning Bullshit was very different.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Taiwan Story

I have to get this down before I get bored and decide to play video games and watch porn.

So for the past 6 months I have been looking for a job in Taiwan; which in itself is a delicious tale of fuckery , lies, and incompetence that I'll talk about sometime next week, and I started to go on a few interviews after months of applications and phone calls. This is an account of my last two weeks.

Monday May 16

I call a school in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and I speak to the owner about the position she advertised. In broken English she says come down for interview and a demonstration. Now I always send my resume and photo before I go to an interview because I don't want any surprise racial shit. I have spent a lot of money on buses and taxis only to have the owner/manager suddenly slip through a worm hole in the space/time continuum when the Black guy shows up. She says no I've seen your resume I know who you are you can come. Cut to me in shitty country town wandering around the open air markets killing time until she picks me up at 10:00. We were suppose to meet at the train station but since their train station had no chairs or a.c. I walked over to the local bank. Sitting in the bank in my shirt and tie I give her a ring 10 minutes prior to our scheduled meetup.

Me: Hi this is Mike I'm at the Post Office/Bank
Jennifer: O.k. which one?
Me: The one by the train station
Jennifer: O.k.

So I go outside and I see a newish Nissan pull up to the bank and then sit there as if they are waiting on someone. Suddenly the car pulls off.


Me: Hi this is Mike again I'm sitting outside
Jennifer: O.k. I'll be right there

The car languidly rolls to a stop about 10 meters from the entrance of the post office/bank door and stops. Now please keep in mind there aren't many cars in this shit town and certainly nothing was precluding her from parking on the street next to the bank.


Me: What color car are you driving?
Jennifer: I don't know
Me: O.k. what is your license plate number
Jennifer: ( rattles off a bunch of letters and numbers)

*btw her car was graphite but gray would have been close enough. Most normal people would have said I'm in the gray Nissan Rogue but this goes to show you the level of genius I'm dealing with in this industry.

I was holding this conversation as I was closing the distance between her car and me so by the time she gave me the license plate number I had already walked the 25 feet .

We have the interview and I tell her about my years of experience and I give her a copy of my certificates, diploma and references. She then asks if I would like to demo today. I said fine what level are they she just shrugs and hands me their book.I said o.k. when is the demo starting she said after their nap at 2pm. I thought about it and I simply didn't want to sit in this hot ass school for 3.5 hours so I said I'll come back tomorrow.

She drops me off at the train station so I can take the 1.5 hour train back to my home in Tainan. The next morning after spending an hour preparing for my demo I get a call as I am literally walking out of the door.

Jennifer: Sorry I have an emergency my foreign teacher friend got in an accident in Taichung
Me : Sorry to here that
Jennifer : So I have to cancel the demo
Me : O.k. how about tomorrow (Friday)
Jennifer: I might still be in Taichung. I'll call you next week

So I haven't heard from Jennifer but her imaginary friend is in my thoughts prayers. I'm just glad I didn't waste money on a second train ticket.

Tuesday May 30

I have two interviews that day . The first interview is at 11:00 a.m. on the other side of town so I get dressed and pay a taxi 8.00 to take me over there. I arrive at about 10:30 and the gate is pulled down. Ms. Chen and the lovely people of Joy English school are nowhere to be found. So I wait and call and wait and call until finally I had to get another taxi to take me to the train station. For my second appointment of the day.

I go to this school in the city my girlfriend lives in which is about an hour north of where I live in Tainan. I arrive at the school and everything is fine until I get to the classroom. This fucking room was on the second floor of this building filled with about 20 5 year old Taiwanese kids and a white girl name Serenity. The room itself was nice but it was hotter than Satan's Anus in there. It was like Bikram preschool. So I'm standing there sweating through my undershirt and custom made blue gingham cotton dress shirt with the monogram semi-spread collar trying to teach a one off lesson to kids holding a book pointing at fruit with one hand while holding a sweat towel like Thompson in Georgetown in the other. The principal observed two minutes of my lesson and walked out so I guess I'm not getting that job.(Note: teaching kindergarten kids English is illegal in Taiwan and if caught the teacher ;not the school' faces a 5000 usd fine and immediate expulsion) I haven't heard from them which is o.k because I couldn't imagine a greater slice of shit pie than teaching illegal full day kindy in a sauna.

On my way back to my house I call Ms. Chen and she says oh so sorry about that I had an emergency. (google translate I'm an asshole and I forgot I scheduled an off hours interview) We schedule for that Friday.

Thursday May 26

I had an interview with a foreign run school in Kaoshiung. Sweet baby Jesus I hope I get this one . Western management in my favorite city 5 day work week and good pay. I'm supposed to get a call next week about the demo class.


I take another crosstown taxi to this school to meet Ms.Chen at 1:30. We are going through the perfunctory questions and answers. When it is my turn to ask a question I ask my standard how many total teachers do you have? Of that how many are foreign? How many foreign teachers complete the contract? Of those how many resign? How many teachers have you fired? So she answers the questions and then tells me she has fired 8 foreign teachers in her 10 years at the school. She then tells me she doesn't understand why I've been looking for a job for so long so I do my best to tap dance around the issue.

Ms. Chen: I don't get it you should be hired pretty quickly
Me : Well you know after Chinese Years is one of the main hiring seasons but I wasn't in
the market until just after that time.
Ms.Chen: Well I still don't see the problem
Me : Well there are a lot of job applicants for few opportunities.

So I'm tap dancing like a young Savion Glover around the issue and this bitch just will not let it go .

Ms. Chen: I don't know it should take a month or less to find a job.
Me : I don't know perhaps
Ms.Chen: I mean we have been trying for a month

This went on for 15 minutes


Me: O.k. look for every interview I go on I have to send out about 60 resumes.
Of those 60 resumes a high percentage of them would never consider a Black man.
Of the ones that would I'm still competing with everybody else for those positions. So just because it is possible doesn't mean it is probable I'll be hired. People here have their preferences and Black men aren't it.

Ms. Chen: Really

Me: Yeah I have called people back after they initiated the contact then they say we don't like
Black guy here.

So at this point my desire to work here is eroding by the nanosecond. This raggedy mouth amatuerish bitch is pontificating on her half baked racial theories and I'm just ready to leave at this point

Ms. Chen : Yeah I have a problem with Black guys too so I understand but I decide to give it a
Me : Really
Ms. Chen : Yeah one time I hired a Black guy and he was drunk and he stole some textbooks
when he quit. So I am really hoping you can change my mind about Black guys.

Me : So let me get this straight you hired a Black guy and he was a bad employee right?
Ms. Chen: Yes
(vacant look)

Me: But you have hired and fired several white male teachers since then correct?
Ms.Chen Right
Me: So a bad white teacher isn't a consideration in your hiring of a new white teacher but all future Black male applicants need to atone for what he was. That isn't fair and I'm not interested in that.

I gather my materials to leave.

Ms. Chen: Would you still like to do the demo?

Me : Hell no you don't pay enough.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Mea Culpa

I feel bad my children.
I feel as though I have forsaken you.
There is a big scary world out there
and you need someone to tell you what to think.
Well, starting tomorrow you no longer have to be subjected to
your own ignorant thoughts because I will tell you what opinion you
should have everyday.

You can thank me later.

Good old Hollywood

I guess in a nod to diversity they let my man be all Black and athletic before dying a horrible death to let the white characters know there is a problem here.