Retarded Korean Ninja Stalker

asA lot of people ask me how long have I been in and Korea to which I reply off and on since 2007. They then say so you speak pretty good Korean right? I smile and assure them that my Korean is worse today than when I arrived for various reasons not the least of which is personal motivation. I am simply uninterested in what Korean people have to say to me. Generally, when I am stopped in the street Korean people ask me in English or Korean the following.

Where are you from?
How long have you lived in Korea?
What do you do?
Where do you work?

Now I can answer those questions in English or Korean but why should I bother?
Invariably my inquisitor is either a small child prompted by his/her mother
or an old man. In other words people I couldn't imagine wanting to speak to less. If you ever see me speaking to a Korean person just know I am mentally going

one Mississippi
two Mississippi
I give kids 10 seconds and everyone else 5 seconds before I walk away.



You see children I am only interested in two types of conversation. Conversation A leads to sex either directly or indirectly. In Korea most girls speak some level of English so if she isn't willing to speak to you in English she probably isn't interested in you. Besides, I have found it infinitely easier to have sex with fellow foreign teachers than trying to get the kitty off of a Korean chick. Therefore, I have no sexual motivation to learn the language. Conversation type B leads to money in one shape or form and Korean really isn't a money language. I would do better learning Chinese or Japanese for monetary purposes.

So you maybe asking what can you say T?
I can say the following:

Don't touch me
Leave me alone
Stop
Don't do that
What are you looking at
Do you want to fight

Because i get to practice these phrases alot I am well versed in them. For example, yesterday while I was on a bus from Daegu to Hapcheon a drunken old man sat behind me smelling like sour sausages and cabbage. This old fuck preceded to hit me in the head and then look out of the window like I'm crazy. He hits me again and at this point I could call for assistance in Korean but I don't bother because I know how Koreans react to foreigners being accosted by Koreans.

When I was living in Incheon I had a retarded stalker. This boy was about 6'3 270lbs of retard strength and everytime he saw me he would feel compelled to run over and knock the headphones from my head and touch my hair. Now usually I have finely tuned instincts when it comes to Korean bullshit and I am able to sidestep drunken or stupid Koreans yards before they can get to me. But this retarded kid would thwart my best efforts. I am in McDonalds he is behind me. Shopping in the store behind me. On the elevator to the gym behind me . So I moved to a different neighborhood and the retarded kid sees me and we are in front of about 6 adult Korean women. He starts in with his retarded shit and I have had it with him. I call out in Korean for help and those bitches stand there like those " see no evil" monkeys. So now I'm pissed I take my spray bottle of bleach and hydrogen peroxide( I carry it because Korean gyms have no concept of hygiene) and I am spraying him in the face like a dog on the couch. The retarded kid is licking it off and moving forward so I decided I am going to teach him a lesson. After years of studying Muay Thai my right shin has calcified and it hurts like hell when I kick people. So I turned and kicked him on his thigh and once on his ass. He falls down and starts wailing like Chewbocca and then the Korean bitches run over to help him and they start yelling at me.


So I'm on this bus and some Buddhist Monks get on. Now it wouldn't do to give an old man a Menace II Society style ass whipping in front of nuns so I bide my time. We get to Hapcheon and I sit there everyone gets off the bus he walks past my seat and I stick a foot out. Down goes Frazier , he is face first on the bus floor as I step over him to leave.