Friday, December 31, 2010

America Sucks

This is the Argentinian version of Dancing With the Stars

Uploaded by betocammpos. - See the latest featured music videos.

This is the American version with fat Bristol Palin.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Quincy Black full video

After reviewing the film I must say the most impressive part of it was the fact that he could have heterosexual success during a kpop song.

NSFW below

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Biblical Wisdom

This how I remember this stupid story being presented to me in catholic school.

Let us not forget America the last bastion of biblical crazy

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Bristol Palin is pregnant

This fat hypocritical abstinence only bitch went on dancing with the stars and gained 35 lbs of fat. Now unless that bitch is mainlining gravy after every 8 hour dance session I would say she is at least 4 months along.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Praise White Jesus

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I smell bullshit. I think these religious kooks took their son and implanted the idea of heaven in his head for fun and profit.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Cops are bitches Update

The average American police officer is a gigantic pussy who didn't get enough attention or respect in high school so these low grade simpletons take a job in a profession in which disrespect in and of itself can be deemed a criminal offense. I've been all over the world and the only police that routinely fuck with tax paying citizens are American police. In all of the other first world countries I've been to ,the police treat their citizens like employers that should be served. In the third world countries the police had a healthy amount of fear of the local population. Either way it is better than America's bullshit law enforcement. So in the interest of being helpful I have devised a list to help you with deal with cops.

Please remember that all cops are bitches with low self-esteem who are in a permanent state of pms style cramping. I guess those gun belts throw their backs out of alignment.

Rule #1
Never answer any questions
You'll often encounter cops in your car or walking down the street and they'll get a notion in their head to fuck with you. (They call it probable cause)
If this is the situation nothing can be gained by answering their stupid fucking questions beyond giving your name.
For example when cops pull you over they'll say do you know why I pulled you over?
This isn't the time to start guessing and incriminating yourself further so just say no. He'll tell you shortly any way.
They'll also ask you where you are going or where you coming from?
He can eat a bag of dicks before I answer that question.
He asks where are you going and you answer honestly and he says "really we had a disturbance back there."
So I always say you know I'm just just trying to get back to the highway so I couldn't honestly tell you where I was, I'm unfamiliar with the area and I think I'm driving in circles.

Rule #2 No unnecessary conversation
Technically you are allowed to ask if you are under arrest or are you free to leave.
Now cops are bitches and they hate for you to know your rights let alone exercise
them so I would only question it if I'm in a public area with lots of witnesses. Otherwise say nothing
A cop is like a bitch and we all know bitches have to the last word. If you don't give it to them they'll keep escalating the encounter until they get it.

Rule #3 Searches
You don't have to consent to a search and I never do. I don't smoke weed or even drink so there is nothing dirty in my car ever. Cops will say do you mind emptying your pockets you can also refuse to do this. Remember the pussy can only pat you down if he believes you pose a threat.

Rule #4 No unnecessary conversation
Cops are prickly bitches and a lot of people lose it at this point. They have been stopped single out humiliated and they want to lash out verbally. this is what the bitch cop was hoping for because 9x out of 10 he doesn't have anything on you but you give him ammo to arrest you when you lash out at him.

Rule #5 Never let a policeman into your home
Police can only enter your home with a warrant or if there is an emergency situation. If not just like a True Blood vampire they have to be invited in. Don't invite them in, close the door and step outside to conduct your business.

Just watch the first 3 minutes

In this video you have a white woman who is unfamiliar with the concept of cops being a bitch. She is doing her loudmouthed American woman thing and the cop was determined to show her that his low self-esteem cop thing was much more powerful. In short he was going to teach this tax paying citizen a lesson. So she tries to get the last word in and walk away ;but unlike most of us who learned sticks and stones in kindergarten, this cop decided he wanted to continue the altercation . So he wrestles the woman to the ground and then dry humps her on the ground while screaming stop resisting. You can actually hear him orgasming on top of her. So while he is in his refractory period he finally figures out that he can cuff her and then proceeds to cuff her hair as well. All the while grinding against her partially exposed butt.

Now the cop is a bitch because he could have
A) let her walk away like a professional
B) refrained from screaming "it is my station" (which is the fundamental problem
with cops it isn't his station at all it is our station and he works for us)
C) Restrained her without 4 minutes of sexual assault.

This is a picture of Dr. Henry Louis Gates being led away in handcuffs because he had the temerity to ask a police man for identification inside of his own home.

This video shows the execution of a young Black man two years ago.

A lot of people maybe thinking mouthy unattractive white chick and a young Black man I'm good with that fuck 'em . My point is that they are increasingly fucking with the rest of society with their chickenshit rules and regulations. Cleveland is literally a third world shithole but the cops have enough time to stand at the bottom of bridges to set up speed traps for citizens coming home from work. All of the major roads leading out of the city have cameras. On any given night you have bullshit sobriety checkpoints and click it or ticket stops. And my point is none of this is improving the quality of life or making things safer. My car was once towed while I was on vacation in Puerto Rico from in front of my house by a cop for being parked too close to the curb. Who knew that was even an offense?

Update this video was posted today. I think this dick is French

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Hey Nigger

Most African-Americans have a story about the first time they were called a nigger. It's sort of like getting your racial cherry popped,or a Black bar mitzvah, because you lose all of your innocence when it comes to interracial relationships. As open and naked with your feelings as you would like to be with others not like you, in your heart of hearts you know it could instantly go in another direction.

I like this video because she hits every note of white superiority she can think of in her addition to her use of physical violence.

This maybe her contact info I'm not sure

NAME: Erika F Winchester

AGE: 55-59

ADDRESS: 21 Kimball Beach Rd

Hingham, MA 02043-1145

PHONE: (781) 749-2865

HUSBAND: Randall E Winchester

This old coot identifies herself as her aunt so you can have fun with this also my global audience of 17.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

racist frogs

I'm not surprised. I figure most white people get loose with the epithets if there isn't a Black person around to slap the shit out of them.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

You are now free to start calling me a nigger again.

Thanks to Kimchi Dreadlocks for the heads up. The comments are now working .

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Case of the Chocolate Dick

Apparently there is a young brother teaching English in Satan's dingleberry who goes by the nom de plume Quincy Black. Now Brother Quincy put his chocolate magic stick in the ground and turned Korea all around. Q was recently terminated from his position because he fucked a couple of K-girls , filmed it , and then uploaded it to the internet. ( If you can find it is listed under the name The Korean Lesson or my Korean give me the heads up i'll post the links unlike other pussy blogs).

I love this story because it contains everything Koreans spazz out over. A Black dick pounding away in a kimchi cooter to the consternation of the not so mighty Han. It contains race and sex , foreign teachers, free apartments just everything Koreans hate.I mean basically they flew him over ,set him up in an apartment, gave him a monthly allowance and he used all those things to fuck k-girls it must burn. I wonder what new laws they'll pass behind this, and I guarantee you there will be something before Chrisstmas regarding foreign teachers. I love it because old boy is as wild and free as I am conservative and reserve. Not to say I didn't have my fun with K-girls but my idea was always to show them my personal superiority in every facet. So playing into the hypersexed buck or thug stereotype was never my agenda. But I applaud the brother because I pretty much had to shit on backward Koreans one at a time he got the entire peninsula all at once. My only fear is that he just made it impossible for a Black man to get hired in Korea for the next few years. Korean's will accept being fucked by a pink dick under protest. But a chocolate magic stick that's just too much to bear.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Childhood memories

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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Look at this crazy bitch

this is some shameful shit. this is an adult attacking a preteen.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Kimchi Incompetence

I write about Kimchi incompetence all the time and some of you probably think that I am exaggerating the staggerring depths of their ineptitude. But I assure you dear reader I have only scratched the surface. To that end I present to you banking in Kimchiland.

This email was sent to me by my friend Daniel.

Read this email I got. These assholes were 10 days late one month and caused me all kinds of trouble. That's not even my school. I guess the guys name was Mr. Daniels:

Dear Mr. Daniels,

Several weeks ago Yongin Shinchon Middle School mistakenly placed money in your Korean bank account in the amounts of 588,670 won and 1, 594,880 won. There was some confusion because of the new computer system in place this year through the Gyeonggi Province Educational Board. Our new teacher's first name is the same as yours and you both use the same bank (KEB).

Would it be possible for you to return the money to us using your online banking account? All you have to do is
1. login to or set up your online banking
2. transfer money to Yongin Shinchon Middle School(용인신촌중학교)
at this NongHyup (농협) account number : 3010045497141

Or if you send the letter of agreement to withdraw this amount money from your bank account of KEB, the bank KEB transfer the money back to school's account.

Your former school indicated that you were traveling in Europe, so we apologize for this inconvenience. I am sure this is not on the list of thing you planned to do while traveling. However, we would greatly appreciate your assistance in this matter, and again, we sincerely apologize for the error.

P.S.) We attach the address and phone No. for the branch of KEB in Europe.
My phone number is 010-4576-7633
031-603-6633 (home)
031-276-4165 (administration office)
Thank you,

Heaseon Shim

Teacher from foreign language department
Yongin Shinchon Middle School

Now what brings this to the level of sublime kimchi bullshit is that my friend's first name is Daniel not his last name and after all the millions of dollars foreign teachers have been cheated out of it they expect my friend Mr. Daniels to return the money.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Paunchy Ponderous Pasties and the Black Men Who Love Them.

There seems to be a popular meme in American society regarding the preferences of African-American men for roomy white chicks. I will admit that some Black men have not relinquished the chains of their internalized bondage and thus fetishize less than stellar specimens of white femaledom. These Black men have been conditioned to accept the white aesthetic so completely that white skin ;no matter what wildebeest it is attached to, is seen as some sort of prize. I am not one of these men.

As I neared the conclusion of my contract in Satan’s anus, I started to ponder where to go next in the world. My friend ; having recently moved to Taiwan, suggested I join him in Taichung and apply for the MBA program at National Taiwan University. So I packed my bags and moved to Taichung in late March. Everything in Taiwan was a thousand times better than Korea. The food is tastier, the environment is cleaner, and I haven’t seen one dude pissing in a gutter at noon or sprawled out in that same gutter 12 hours later. I missed the application deadline because of difficulties in receiving my transcripts so I decide to stay here and apply again next March and work on my new e-zine.

So I take this job in Hsinchu Taiwan which is a pretty boring place on the condition that my boss allows me to rent a discount apartment on the third floor of the building. We agree and all is going well until the fat white chick moves in. I’m calling her the fat white chick because I never learned her name. So fat white chick moves in across the hall from me and I’m ignoring her because my attitude is if I can’t fuck it or get money out of it I have very little use for it. About mid-July I’m on the bus and I get a text message from my boss informing me that I had to move out by September 1st. I look at the message and ignore it because in general my Asian bosses have either been crazier than catshit or almost slow adult in the way they handle their business when it comes to me. The following week I’m in the teacher’s room trying to get her decrepit computer to work when she comes in to ask me if I received her text message. I told her I received it but I thought it was a mistake since most people aren’t silly enough to offer a person a place to stay for one year and then rescind the offer without explanation. She then says I decided to make that floor an all-girls dorm. To which I responded that’s fine but that is a decision you make after I leave . We have an agreement that precedes your sudden braintrickle. I then ask about the white married couple and if they are also being asked to leave and she said yes and then storms out of the room in a huff. I asked the white guy Daniel and he told me he has never had a conversation about his apartment with the boss.

The following Thursday the lying bitch comes into the teacher’s room and asks if I found a new room yet because she is willing to put down the deposit. I told her that is the absolute least you can do considering you are effectively lowering my pay. She gave me the half a retard look that I think they practice here and said what do you mean. To which I explained to her the concepts of sunk cost and opportunity cost and if it really was her desire to have an all girl dorm she should have procured multiple apartments for my viewing, canceled my classes , and then paid any difference in rent between our agreement and the new rent I needed to pay. She was getting frustrated because Asians hate to lose face and one of the mud people was showing her up. I then said so what is this really about because the white guy doesn’t have to move but I do? She then hits me with one of the female teachers feels uncomfortable with you there . I said which one to which she responded I can’t say that she deserves her privacy , I said o.k. why doesn’t she feel comfortable and my boss said I don’t remember. I just start laughing and my boss gets upset and stomps away screaming you are driving me crazy.

There is some racial fuckery afoot.

It’s funny to me when people accuse Black people of using the race card when they are holding the deck ,and I am loathed to accuse someone of racism unless a preponderance of the available evidence overwhelmingly points to that conclusion. But ,in this situation it is the only thing that makes sense once you exclude the other variables. It can’t be noise because her bed is a good 30 feet from mine with two flame resistant steel doors and about a foot and half of poured concrete and rebar between us . And besides I’m usually not here on the weekends anyway. It could not be cleanliness because I don’t use the kitchen nor do I hang my clothes in the common area. It can’t be gender because there is another guy living on this floor that was not asked to leave. So applying lex parsimoniae I have to conclude that race is the issue, since that is the only material difference between me and any of the other people on the floor and I was not given any reason to think otherwise.

Fat White Bitches

I thought moving to Asia would to take me out of the cross hairs of fat white women. You see children I have had problem with fat white women my entire life. I think it started in second grade with Ms. Mengay, she brought me up to the front of the room and humiliated me because I misspelled pineapple and then asked me what I could spell. So I'm standing there in my clip on tie and short sleeve shirt eyeballing the albino walrus in her purple polyester pants and paisley blouse and I responded with I can spell fat. F-A-T fat . She immediately sent me to the Principal's office. In junior high school the fat white nun would make it point to single me amount for her version of passive aggressive ridicule so one day I stood up and decided to introduce her to my form of aggressive aggressive ridicule. So she starts in on me about something and I stand up in front of the class and asked if her if she was a nun because she was fat as a kid and no man down here would want her so she had to marry Jesus? (In my defense when questioned as to why she didn't have husband she said she was married to Jesus) So the nun is crying and in between sobs I get sent to the office. My senior year at white boy prep we hook up with the moo-cows from our sister school to attend a screening of Schindler's List . So on the way back I'm cracking jokes completely unrelated to the movie with my friends and you guessed it a fat white bitch starts screaming at me choking back tears about how insensitive I am. So I stand up; I was seated up front, and I said how stupid are you? You do realize that it was a movie and everyone in it is alive and well? I mean you go to an expensive school and you don't understand the difference between real and fake? For example if I gave you a hamburger you would happily eat it. If I drew you a hamburger you would eat the paper wishing it was a real hamburger . Later I worked my way through college selling ladies shoes at a department store. The women were a horror but my boss was a real piece of work. She was a bitch on two wheels all summer but the final straw came when she accused me of stealing. She brings me into her office and says we have video of you stealing from the register. I laugh and say o.k. show it to me to which she refuses. I said you don't have shit because you would like nothing more than to call the police and cart me off to jail for the weekend but you can't because I didn't steal anything and you know that. If you want to fire me go ahead but what's with all the bullshit? For some reason whenever they wanted to get rid of a Black employee at that store they would just accuse them of stealing and threaten to call the cops. When I was at Social Security my primary supervisor was a gelatinous white woman named Mary Jo Trent. Now this white woman was the worst of the worst. She actually made up an entire dossier of events just to get me suspended for 3 days. Even then it took her 8 months of compiling bullshit incidents to have enough things to even right down. Once a claimant came in all angry because she didn't receive a check.So I gave her the appeal form and said go fill it out over there. She takes one look at the chairs says I can't sit on those to which I responded mam we don't have any bigger chairs. I got a reprimand for that and I had to apologize for implying she was morbidly obese by my fat white boss. I guess they felt like they were in the sisterhood of the traveling oversize pants .

I have never been with a fat white bitch and as Jewish Space God is my witness I’ll never be with a fat white bitch. There seems to be a popular conceit among fat white women that they hold some inordinate amount of desirability among all men of African descent. Let me disabuse those ladies of that notion by saying Black men don’t like fat white women. Broke Black men with low self-esteem like fat white women and since I am neither of those things she held no interest for me. Now let me describe to you what my pallid porcine pest looks like. She was 5’2 and a deep breath away from being 200 pounds. She wore leggings under her huge skirts with and a shirt and/or vest that was antagonistic towards the rest of her ensemble. Think a bloated Debbie Gibson mixed with a Blossom/Mayim Bialik face and you have a pretty accurate picture. Hell add the weight of Debbie Gibson and Mayim Bialik and you have a pretty accurate picture.

The crazy part is I have never spoken to her nor leered in her direction. When I walk through the halls it is with my Ipod on listening to Fresh Air and minding my own business. In addition she’s seen my girl. The cute Asian chick cleaning my apartment or doing my laundry who weighs around half as much but is twice as cute. So even though I’m perceived as a sexually rapacious Negro, she should have realized that I play in an entirely different league and posed no threat to her. I mean if you owned a Lexus would you steal Kia Sophias on the weekend ?

So after weeks of agita, aggravation, and a coarsening of my professional relationship with my boss the bitch quits and moves back to Canada.

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Friday, June 25, 2010

Weenie Nation unfinished post

Over the next couple of weeks I'm going to release some of my unfinished post on Korea. Because even my unfinished work is funnier than my contemporaries.


An extremely insecure person ... This person cares excessively about everything around them and tries hard for approval. He or she acts cool on the outside (or tries to) but in reality they are a true pussy at heart. ... He or she has the tendency to be wrong or unjust all the time-Urban Dictionary

The problem with Korea isn't xenophobia, racism, or kimchi jingoism. The problem is the rarely diagnosed form of hyper-weenieism that has permeated every pore of the culture. The weenieism manifest itself in many ways but there are two scenarios that are common to foreign teachers. First, the ability to make a decision without deferring to someone else. Even if it is within their sphere of responsibility I have never asked a question in 3 years of kimchi conversation that was instantly answered even if I was speaking to the boss/owner . Second, when they come back from there weenie conclave they usually produce the wrong answer so they must be sent back for further deliberation.

Weenie Historical View

According to Koreans the Han kingdom has been invaded roughly every 6 years for the last 5000 years. Their inability to defend themselves physically manifest itself into a psychological and cultural impulse to resist any changes (improvements) brought on by contact with other cultures.I also believe that is why they have gone out of their way to develop the worst national cuisine in Asia and perfected sitting on the ground; even when chairs are available, and developing elaborate beds that mimic sleeping on the ground. I think it is an effort to make South Korea as unappealing as possible. And by God it worked. So for centuries they insulated themselves as best they could from outside contact and earned themselves the moniker of Hermit Kingdom for their troubles.Korea became an echo chamber of everything Korean good and since there were no foreigners around to dispute the claim that became the dominant mindset in Korea.

Only country in the world that has 4 seasons or electric fans and closed windows equals death.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Weenie Behavior

This is a blog by a Black woman about her time in Korea. Anyway she tells the story of encountering some guy walking behind her pulling down his Black Man underoos and spanking his junk in public while she walked. I imagine he was singing this song to her.

Music Playlist at

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Korea is like a retarded prostitute's p@$#y

From an Anonymous poster

Man, you sound like a jolted boyfriend who's been dumped on over and over again. So funny.

You know, if it makes you feel any better, my country (Korea) you hate so much is only becoming richer and richer. You're free to hate us on all levels. We'll just continue to thrive, get recognized for our excellence, set new trends around the world (except America where 500 people die each day because they don't have healthcare) and torture your soul. Envy away, baby! Envy away!

I root hard for the Korean economy to improve for the next thirty days. I would love to see the currency valuation double versus the dollar. Nothing would make me happier on God's green Earth. After the 30 days are up and all of my financial ties to Korea are severed I revert to my natural state of glorious indifference to Korea. I don't have a dog in the fight( or on my plate) so why should I care if Korea exports shitty products all over the world and becomes the wealthiest nation on Earth. Or Kim Jung IL nukes the place. I don't give a shit either way

Korea is like a retarded prostitute's pussy.People from around the world come to Korea to fuck it. Do we care about her long term well-being, probably not. Will we call in the morning , Hell no. All the expats you see are here to fuck it for all it's worth and then get the fuck out of here.Some are here to bust that student loan nut, others are pounding away to pay for grad school , still others are creaming all over the Han River to finance their walkabouts. Now I'm only doing a little bit of fucking I teach my contract hours and generally stay out of the way. But I know a lot of fellas fucking Korea like they have three dicks. They are teaching private lessons, on tourist visas, and boning k-girls like they just discovered sex. And all of that is o.k. because Korea wanted it. Like a cheap floozy. But what about your articles on Korean bullshit you say? That's just locker room talk. If a friend asked me if he should ask a retarded girl out I would say she's fucking but this is the retarded bullshit you have to deal with to get to the ass. After reading my blog some people might say that retarded bitch Korea isn't worth it while others would love a chance to fuck retarded Korea, retardedness be damned. As for me I still recommend Korea for some easy retarded pussy. She's gotten a little arrogant in the last two years but she'll let you fuck her if you are persistent.

Look, I'm a long-legged mack daddy like Barack Obama and I don't feel jealousy or envy about anything because once I'm done with something it is finished for me. For example one of my exes married a multi-millionaire. I say good for her she deserves happiness because I was never going back there and I feel the same about Korea.

I hope that makes you feel better.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Kimchee Cheerleader Protest Tips

I seem to have a second blog dedicated to me from a kimchee cheerleader Korean American. All I have to say is I already have a Korean homosexual stalker writing a blog about me so I would like to suggest some other protest techniques that I would find more enjoyable. Since most of my detractors don't seem to live in Korea I suggest you go on Naver/Daum and convince some of your ancestral countrymen to stop fucking their doll pillows and get on board. Here is a sample schedule.

9:00 a.m.
1. Hara-Kiri- most of whats good about Korea comes from other places anyway so I would like to see some Korean netizens performing ritualized suicide in front of my apartment building.

Warning this one might get you killed
10:00 a.m.-Shit slinging - Since some Korean netizens delight in calling me a monkey I would like to see them appropriate monkey behavior as a form of protest.

11:00- a.m. take a rest Internet shopping and poorly worded death threats need to be sent around the world

12:00- Eat my flag- O.k. I don't have a flag but you can print off copies of the naked baby of Itaewon and eat him.

1:00 p.m.- You can go to one of the dog restaurants in the neighborhood and get a couple of dogs heads and line them up outside of my apartment.

2:00 p.m. Kimchi Power- If I am still not convinced, I think you should steal a live pig from one of the farmers, tie ropes to its hooves, and pull it apart. Korea Fighting!

3:00 p.m. Finger Chopping- Since I am Black and not very bright I suggest a group of you get together and chop off the finger you use for (masturbating) turning on the computer as a sign of protest.

4:00 p.m. follow a random foreigner around hoping to see irregal activities.

5:00 p.m. Dress up time- Have one of your followers dress like me; I'll provide the clothes, and then beat the shit out of him.

6:00 p.m. Noraebang and hand release. Go to a karaoke room and have dinner. Relax assess how the protest is going. Also you need to recruit some of the Nore-hoes for possible action in the future.

7:00 p.m. Show me your Korean spirit by covering yourself in thousands of bees. All those bee stings will really show me whose boss.

8:00 p.m. I'm just an ignorant nignog so you'll need to step it up by using one of your world famous kimch powered candlelight protest to set fire to all the local trees.

9:00 p.m. I'm just not learning so I suggest that you go to the store and purchase brand new computers and then burn them in the parking lot of my building to show disgust at my lack of respect for Korean culture.

10:00 It is getting late and I haven't learned a damn thing . How about defiantly spraying each other down with water hoses. Surely that will get through my negro-addled mind.

11:00 if nothing else works take the morning shift of whores and sit them in front of my building

and then send them in one by one until I'm convinced.

Dictated not read

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My Boss's Dick Part 2

A little background.

ENS English school was established in the Yeonsu-GU neighborhood by purchasing and renaming a well-respected school in the neighborhood. The school was called English time and it was basically two classrooms in a small office building run by one Korean woman named "Tonia" and the occasional foreign teacher. Tonia was having financial problems so she agreed to sell her business and transfer everything over to Mr. Yoo for a relatively insignificant amount of money.

Are You My Friend?Proxy War

Mr. Yoo use to pull me into the backroom of an unheated storage closet to talk to him. I would push piles of unused board games out of the way and sit there while he smoked his girl cigarettes. He would then say "Michael are you my friend? Because I really want to be your friend? And you have to trust me? Immediately my red flags went up when he tried to negotiate for trust instead of earning it. I said sure I trust you. I trust all Korean people. He beamed with pride and then went back to his girl cigarettes. The reason this question was of such importance was because ENS was in the midst of a civil war. On the one side was Mr. Yoo and the staff of ENS brought over from the other branch. On the other side was Tonia, the receptionist, and 2 other Korean teachers. I was the newest addition to the staff and had yet to pick a side. The war started because Mr.Yoo wanted Tonia to sign a personal services agreement stating that she would teach at the school for two years to insure the success of his investment. Tonia balked at signing the agreement because she had already spent two months in his school and saw how poorly it was run. Now most businessmen would have put in a no-compete clause and a personal services contract into the original purchasing agreement, but he was an idiot. So the office turns into some Team Edward vs. Team Jacob shit with oaths of allegiances and everything. A week after getting my visa things come to a head. Tonia quits and Mr. Yoo goes crazy. He is literally running down the halls of the school screaming "She steal money, She steal my money". He would get beet red and that lazy eye would twitch at the mere mention of her name. Since I enjoy hijinks I would figure out a way to mention her at least once an hour just to set him off.

My Mistake
I had never taken a side in the Tonia/Yoo debate. I tried to reassure him that I am a professional and I have no interest in intraoffice squabbles. I came here to work not to be a bit player in a third rate k-drama. I also advised him to act like a boss. I told him the relationship between you and Tonia is really none of my business and I find it very unprofessional for you to bring it up. Lazy eye blink, he said but you are still "my friend right"? This shit went on every other day for two weeks. So about a week after I got back from Osaka on my visa run I decided to go and get my alien card. I called Tonia and she agreed to take me. She shows up with one of the adult students and we go to the office. I don't remember the reason but after all the paperwork was completed Mr. Yoo had to be called. Yoo must asked who I was there with because he refuses to do something and I am denied my card. I get to the office and he pulls me into a room and starts interrogating me. He asked me who I was with and I said Tonia. He then said who else was it the receptionist. I said "no". So now he is sweating and that lazy eye is twitching and he is stuttering and sort of spitting on himself. Who was there? Girl 2 the man said 2 girls. I said I don't know. He then goes out and asks the receptionist was she there in Korean. Practically screaming he looks like he is going to explode with anger. I'm totally amused by the spectacle but the receptionist is shook to her core. So I say she really wasn't there. He glares at me with his good eye and turns to the girl and says you are fired. He then says Michael I want to be your friend in the future if you need anything please come to me and walks away.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Kimchi This Kimchi That

Bibimbap Bullshit

I want to root for Korea. I really do. I love an underdog story as much as the next guy. But the problem with Korea is the prevalence of arrogance mixed with ignorance. Living here is like being trapped on a road trip with that retarded kid
Corky from "Life Goes On" and having him tell you about all the bitches he fucks, the luxury cars he drives, and his intellectual superiority.You know it isn't true and in his heart of hearts he knows too , but he clings to that narrative. At first it's quaint that he has such a high self-esteem but later your feelings devolve into pity and finally mockery after the 20Th story of his insignificant accomplishments. Kimchi cheerleaders; esp. Korean-American/Canadians, are like the parents in the front seat affirming the bullshit as long as they don't have to actually sit and talk with him.

In an effort to spread the popularity of Korean cuisine and culture around the world the Korean government has begun a campaign to promote bibimbap.Bibimbap is steamed white rice sauteed vegetables, chili paste and a raw or fried egg .To supplement their efforts they took out a full page color ad in the New York Times.

Bibimbap is a dish mixed of cooked
rice with various vegetables, beef, garnishes, and
fried pepper paste. It is said that this dish came
from the customers of memorial service and rural villages.
This dish is very convenient to provide, just mixing of cooked
rice with various vegetables,
namul, and red pepper paste together.
(copy from the ad)

This is a perfect example of the ignorance meets arrogance I was talking about. Most people would hire an ad agency in that country before committing thousands of dollars to this
fuckery. The only positive is that they never actually mention that the dish is Korean in origin.

The Japanese editor of a Japanese daily who has lived in Korea for 30 years said that he doubted the globalization potential of

Kuroda- Bibimbap looks good when it is put on the table at first. But once the vegetables, the egg and rice and everything get mixed by the spoon, it transforms into something that is unidentifiable," he said at that time. "I fear an American who ordered this dish might be shocked to see this."

Kuroda's harsh statement about the dish he started to receive the typical death threats and now feels unsafe in Korea. When will Koreans learn that they have a right to spread their culture from sea to shining sea but in doing so it will be examined and possibly rejected as inferior, and that the appropriate response is not threats of murder. I had a lady over and she said she didn't like the garlic mashed potatoes I made, I didn't threaten to beat her to death with my shoe.

But why are we discussing bibimbap anyway? It's not the national food of Korea. It's not served at every school in the country. It doesn't have its own museum. It hasn't been to space. No my friends the national food of Korea is kimchi. Kimchi is fermented Chinese cabbage mixed with red pepper paste and a bunch of other shit. It taste like soggy cabbage drenched in hot sauce and it looks like something out of the dumpster of an Italian restaurant. Like most things in Korea it originated in China, was vastly improved using American materials, and perfected in Japan.

So they have bibimbap and kimchi why did they choose to promote bibimbap?. I think bibimbap is more aesthetically pleasing than kimchi. Kimchi is ;and you can use this as a metaphor for Korea, smelly , rather unsightly, and an acquired taste with a sharp learning curve for very little pay off.