Tuesday, July 16, 2013

One more day (thanks white Jesus)

Today Saudi student came to my room with a note from my punk ass boss fat Gary. Fat Gary says that I am to give this student the final exam if his document seems legitimate in the eyes of our native Arabic speaking teacher Osama. I look at the document and it is signed by a dentist so I ask the student what's wrong and he says headache and stomach ache. Cool I have Osama ask in Arabic just so that we are clear and he says the same thing. I laugh and tell him I'm not giving him shit I'm going back to watching Fast and Furious on the projector in my room. He starts crying about his future but at this point I have had an assfull of Saudis and the administration. I'm tired of being treated like shit. I'm tired of being treated like I am less than. So fuck it and fuck him. If he was interested he would have showed up to take his test on the two other test dates. Besides that fuck would have never passed that test anyway and even if he got a perfect score he still would have flunked the course.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

14 Days ( The Dumbest article I have ever read in my life)


14 days left on this bullshit contract. I can't wait to leave this shitty country. Next week Ramadahn starts and I may or may not be able to find food during the day. They are holding my pay until the final week so they can have plenty of time to fuck up the computation.  I have added new pictures to my Tumblr page. I especially like the photos of their submerged vehicles. These derelict nutjobs are too busy praising and not working to build a sewer system so whenever it rains( and it rains a lot here) the streets flood and a good time is had by me watching adult men pull up their dresses as they attempt to cross the street.

The lifehacker article talks about a new motivational technique in which employees pretend to be receiving 300 dollars per hour to boost productivity. I'm sorry my imagination just isn't that good. My attitude is my work matches the pay I receive . If the employer is paying little I do as little as possible. If I like the job I go so far as to pretend that I'm working hard while doing for very little. Right now my students are in handout city because I stopped giving a fuck about teaching when the company screwed me out of a day of pay in February. So they come in I give them a reading comprehension worksheet that I may or may nor check at the end of the class. In the afternoon I show movies. It is very difficult to find movies that are completely sexless so I feel that I am working hard on that front.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

35 Days more Bullshit

I received my payslip for this month and I notice they took one hundred dollars out. I don't mind that much because I did oversleep one day last month and I missed class because my boss wouldn't make another trip to come and get me ,but the white boys and Muslims miss classes and days every month and their pay isn't docked. Today is June 12 and one of the white boys took his daughter for a medical check so he could establish residency. Not only will his pay not be docked but the boss actually took him and his family to the clinic. Other people have pulled students out of class and taken days off to get drivers licenses, take trips to the airport, go shopping, and apartment hunting. Whereas I teach 100% of every hour of the classes I'm assigned. My punk ass boss went out of his way to make sure I didn't get paid because the attendance is handled by sign-in sheet and there hasn't been a sheet in 4 weeks which means 100% attendance is assumed by the main office.

I was walking back from the gym listening to Allen Hughes of Menace II Society fame who was telling stories when I ran across this graffiti. I walk this route at least once per day everyday and this is the first time I saw it. Who would have thought that these shitheads were into 'Pac.

Monday, April 29, 2013

79 Days Left on this Bullshit Contract

So the company I work for is supposed to fly the teachers and any associated family in and out of Saudi Arabia. Well these shitstains have decided that in lieu of purchasing a ticket they will give us cash. No problem right, wrong. You see they figured out the flight in April but they won't give us the money until May. Obviously the longer you wait the more expensive the flights get. It isn't a problem for me because they figured the flight would cost 1000 I'm getting out of here for around 725 because I booked my flights two weeks ago. SO I'll get to pocket the difference but my co-teachers will have to pay the difference out of pocket .

Friday, April 26, 2013

82 Days Shout out to the homeboy B. Yoda

I have just returned from the grocery store and like everything else here it was a big hassle due to their other world level of stupidity. I bought 5 items total and when I went to pay with my debit card of course the card reader was broken. So I was instructed by the mouth breather to give my card to the other mouth breather to complete the transaction. I turn and give my card to the man and when I turn back around my food is gone. The idiot bagger gave my food away. Because they are idiots they couldn't handle the situation so I suggested to them very strongly that they give me money back.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

120 days on this bullshit contract -Now with no water

Last week the boss insinuated that I was in jeopardy of being fired for having a bad attitude. I assured him that I don't give a shit at this point. My new apartment doesn't have water available all of the time. When I signed the lease no one informed me that water was not included. THe water is delivered in a truck and is delivered once per week. Well our building ran out of water today and we will not get any until tomorrow so that means no showers for me or flushing the toilet. I hate this place

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Help a brother out

I need more space on my dropbox account so if you good people follow this link we both get extra cloud space .


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

133 days left on this bullshit contract

Finding clean western toilets is a passion project of mine in this shithole country. I search hi and low and to and fro to find a toilet that isn't totally offensive. Well children I found a little used bathroom on the second floor of the administration building at my shitty college. So I'm in the stall having a glorious time when I hear the door open. I conclude my business and I come out of the stall and I see a goddamn Saudi pissing in the sink.
 As you can see in picture one if you are a person who must piss into open holes they have you covered
 This is a shot of the entire bathroom. He was standing on his tippy toes while pulling up his dress and pulling down his pants trying in vain to get his dick over the edge of the countertop.
 This is another stall just as empty as the first.
 This is my glorious western toilet right under an open window so I can sshit under God's watchful eye
Here is an extra toilet just for shits and giggles

Here is the kicker the person pissing into the sink might have been a teacher because all of the students must wear black pants with a white shirt.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Day 135 Cumming in my pants

I have been trying to recondition myself to regard the stupid fucking bullshit I go through as pleasurable and to that end I try to relive a moment of orgasm everytime I hear or experience something stupid. In Saudi I'm going to be cumming all of the time.

I regaled you with the tales of my odyssey to find new digs yesterday. In my new apartment I have to now leave the house a half hour earlier every day and walk over to my site director's apartment because he is a fat lazy fuck. We now arrive at the school at 7:15 which is now a full 2.5 hours before any fucking Saudi shows up and 15 minutes before I'm supposed to be on the clock. So we walk up to the door at 7:15 and the door is locked. They stood around until 7:30.

It's not bad enough we have to be up at 6:45. On Mondays we have weekly meetings in which our boss will develop some useless topic revolving around bullshit we don't care about or is non-applicable to this particular situation. Today's lesson was this bullshit

The meeting was called for 2 45 but it didn't start until 3 because these fucks couldn't figure out how to configure the speaker and computer with the limited number of outlets we have. After the video the boss asks so how can we implement this into our program. 20 minutes of bullshit and nonsense including the statement that these students are brilliant( which they aren't by any rubric you want to apply) the clock strikes 3:30 and they are still talking.It must be some form of ass kissing or a narcissism because they won't shut up and we are off the clock at this point.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

136 days left on this bullshit contract

So I'm chilling at my home in Taiwan and I get an email from my co-teacher that says you have to move out of company housing in that shitty hotel. This is a problem because I was told specifically that I had to stay in the shitty hotel and because of that I never made arrangements for a new place to live. I fly back to Saudi and my boss says don't worry you'll have a month to look for something new. 3 days later I'm told that month has been shortened to 3 days and my fat fuck boss decides that to add an additional layer of difficulty we all have to move within 5 blocks of him.  So here I am in this shit country with less than rudimentary Arabic looking for a place. Extra problem. This is a tourist town (because Arabs are dumb) so most places only want to rent for 3 months so they can jack the rent during high season.

We get up on Wednesday( the day before we are scheduled to move out to look for apartments because the deal we made on Tuesday with the Sudanese apartment manager for reasonably nice apartments was voided by the Saudi owner who was looking to price gouge the Americans) and this place is a horror scene. We were openly speculating on the number and nature of the murders committed in this space.  The next space was just as dirty and dark so I didn't take any pics.

This filthy fucking apartment costs about 2,400 dollars us ( 6 months prepaid)  To make it extra dangerous for me I make about 20x more than most of my neighbors. Luckily I can play the Nigerian/ Sudanese card to make me slightly less desirable as a target.

 This big ass hole in the wall is where an air conditioning unit would go if the apartment had one .
 This is the back bedroom I don't use
 My sad and depressing kitchen
 The big ass padlock I use to keep my neighbors out. Everything of value except perhaps my PS3 I keep on me at all times .
 I only use two rooms of the 6 in this apartment
Two bathrooms but only one works

And of course no third world shithole is complete without a third world shithole. There is a western toilet in the back but there is no water in the pipes back there.  I could take it apart and rig it so that the toilet flows into that shit but why bother. I'm here for 4.5 months and I can shit in the administration building at school.

My employer gave me 4,000 dollars to live in this luxury but at this point I'll just keep what's left over from the deposit and eat at restaurants rather than cook. My dumb ass co-workers are busy buying beds and tv's and shit but there is no way I would ever do business with these people again so I'll just sleep on a mat and download movies from the internet.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

142 Days left on this Bullshit contract

The fat fucking site director just informed us that we have to vacate our shitty hotel rooms in 3 days. Here is the rub, we were told that we had to stay in the shitty hotel for the duration of the contract so none of us have been actively looking for apartments. Extra problem if we don't find an apartment within 2 days within 2 blocks from our site directors house he refuses to pick us up and take us to work. I hate these people so much

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Leaving Taiwan Back to Saudi

Me and my wife got butt naked in the hot springs

My fish Nacho, Pizza, and Burger

My wife wearing my shoes

My Aquaponics lab

Her bullshit books 

I'm getting rid of all of this shit and turning it into a movie room

Same room

Real food back in civilization 

My wife grilled some fish 

Hotspring in Taitung

Asian woman on a big brown dick

My wife's home who knew she was a hick

Monday, February 11, 2013

Day 156 Graduation Day- Grand Farce

The students will receive their graduation diplomas in a ceremony this morning. They will all pass. It doesn't matter if they missed one class or 100 classes. It doesn't matter if they received a 0 on everything they have ever submitted. It doesn't matter if they can speak two words of English.They will get the diploma they desired and after the ceremony if they wish they can sit for the final exam. I will administer the test and spend all afternoon grading a test that is meaningless for all involved. I will then input numbers onto a spreadsheet for students who are no longer in the school. My co-workers are dumb so they will be deliberate and thoughtful in this meaningless task and I will spend hours walking from classroom to classroom hate fucking them with my eyes because we can't go home until these stupid fuckwads are finished grading meaningless test and entering meaningless scores into meaningless spreadsheets to generate meaningless final grades for students who will never see them.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

157 Days

We are at the end of the semester so the dumb students have to bring in a portfolio of all of their work.The portfolios should represent 21 written and oral submissions. I teach a bunch of shitheads so I know it would be poorly done but the majority would pass the course no matter how I felt about it . So I organized my co-teachers into an assembly line and we graded their shitty portfolios in about 3 hours total. We have 130 students in our section we completed the grading so early we were able to go home at 1:30. The fucksticks the next day have 40 students. They have the same assignment with the same paperwork and they aren't finished yet. It is 2:30 in the fucking afternoon. I have to figure out a way to get the fuck of teaching. I'm surrounded by the stupid and lazy and I don't know why. Everyone here has a M.A. in something (except for me ) but they seem thoroughly unable to figure out the most efficient way to do something and then execute that plan.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

168 Days

I hate these people more and more each day. It is almost palpable the vitriol I feel towards them. When I was in Korea I may have hated some of the people I would encounter on the street but at least I liked my students. These fucks I want to break in half every time they open their stupid fucking mouths to question something I'm doing .

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

169 Days Saudi shittiness vs. Korean shittiness

This is a very hard question. On it's face the answer is obviously Saudi but I want to revisit it in more detail later.

The head of the company is coming on Saturday to watch us teach these shit heads. The things working in my favor are as follows:

A) The students will not show up since they don't receive grades in this program and they are at the end of the semester.

B) I barely give a fuck

C) I show up to work and do a yeoman's job of teaching English

D) Not only is this a shitty country this is the second shittiest city in the shittiest region in Saudi so recruiting isn't the easiest thing in the world.

E) I can put on a teaching exhibition if I need to and he is only here to talk shit than leave.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Arrest story

This an excerpt from a chat I had with a friend on fb about my arrest since I really don't feel like retyping it.

I was walking to the gym yesterday and I saw this shitty car
and as you know shitty cars in Saudi is my muse
so I take a picture
this fuck in a dress runs out of his house
runs out screaming
and telling me to come over
I ignore him and keep a walking so I notice he is calling someone
so I'm walking and it is prayer time and I know that I have a problem so I take the side streets . All of the restaurants and shops are closed and I'm equal distance between the gym and my house
so I go to the gym
bad move.
I'm on the side streets and it is cool but after awhile their street design is so shitty that you have to go down this main avenue
So I'm going down and the cop car passes me but keeps going I get to the gyms parking lot so I think Im home free
all of sudden three cop cars roll up on me
they start asking me all kinds of questions about camera
I say don't have one i have this ipod .
SO they call the fat fuck who called the police up there and his bitch ass started asking me questions and then the dude grabbed my bag and I pushed his hands off of it .
The Saudi police didn't like that so they arrested me and took me to the station.
So they put me in a room with the "general" and he starts asking me for the foreigner id . I told him I don't carry it because if you lose it it cost 2000 dollars to replace
so he goes through my ipod and says these are some really bad pictures and then deletes them all
says I'm free to go but now I'm about 6 miles from my house and I only brought about 4 dollars so I don't have enough money to take a taxi .
The entire thing took like 4 hours but I did make some bomb ass burritos so the day wasn't a total loss

I did see the room with the drain in the floor for torturing . Sorry I didn't get a pic next time maybe.

Friday, January 25, 2013

To Mr Gates

Please feel free to browse my blog at your earliest. It will detail some of the places I've been and where I live now and why. And there is a Tumblr on the right with more pictures.

Day 174 Arrested

I got arrested today. I might tell you the story on Friday but def. on Saturday. If you know me on facebook do not mention it . I don't want to scare my wife

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

176 Days Filthy Classroom

This Camel has about an hour left on this planet. I took this picture in front of the camel butcher shop I walk past everyday.

Monday, January 21, 2013

177 days left in Saudi

I can't even write anything today because I'm so tired from the constant noise of children running around from 1-4 am. I hate these people and their stupid fucking culture a little more each day.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

178 I don't care anymore

This place is disgusting this is day two of no running water. This place has the hygiene of an Ethiopian refugee camp during the best of times. And right now we are in a facility filled with hundreds of people and no running water. I'm going to start wearing surgical gloves and a mask starting tomorrow. In other news two of my students went to jail for nearly killing a Bangladeshi man in the road.  My weight today is 109.0 kg

Saturday, January 19, 2013

179 Days No water

The school does not currently have water and water isn't expected until after 1pm at the earliest. In addition the copier isn't working so my textbook-free lesson plan has to be revamped to accomodate that. In a lighter note I have bought the game Far Cry 3. So far I must say I could give less than a fuck about rescuing white hipsters partying on some 3rd world island from a drug cartel.

Monday, January 14, 2013

184 days left

I have a  meeting to attend in which nothing of any value will be said or done.  The good thing is our group is so small that we don't even have the usual self-serving ass kiss who asks questions just to hear himself speak. 

My weight is 109.6 tonight is Chest and Arm Hypertrophy

Sunday, January 13, 2013

185 Days to the end of the contract. Countdown resumes

This is the door to a building I was locked inside of during one of their many daily prayers. You might be thinking well that is dumb what if there is a fire and you'd be right. But here religion trumps common sense so you do everything at your own peril. 

I was holding out the smallest flicker of hope that this shitty company would go out of business at the end of the month but alas it is not to be. I'll be stuck on this plantation of lunacy for 185 more days of bullshit 127 more class days. 

Saturday, January 12, 2013


Sorry for the blurry photos. I was walking while taking these pictures because taking pictures may or may not be something that could get you in trouble over here. This is a shot of a Saudi driving a car down the wrong side of the street because he is too lazy to drive  another 30 seconds to make an authorized  U turn. In Saudi the police are too lazy to walk to your car when they pull you over so they sit in the car and wait for you to walk back to them to see what they want. . 

So yesterday I was walking around and I actually saw a better gym directly across the street from where I work out. I go in and look around and I'm impressed with the place and then I look up on the walls and I see huge 4 foot pictures of famous American bodybuilders. The pictures are men in the traditional banana hammocks of professional bodybuilders. Except in these photos everything is pixelated like a Japanese porno from the bellybutton down.This begs the questions
A) If you find men in underwear offensive why put up the photos?
B) If you find men in underwear offensive why not crop the bottom half out?
C) If you are going to pixelate the body part being showcased why bother in the first place?