Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Once Upon A Time in Korea (An Idiot's Tale)

Once upon a time not long ago
When people wore pajamas and lived life slow
There was a boy named Smithee
who lived a sad life that was quite a pity

Smithee was born to a mother who was/is a racist hag
And an uncle who was a racist fag
Now his life was quite sad you see
Because while being one he couldn't seem to get any pussy

So our hero Smithee
Sailed across the East Sea
Thinking to himself maybe I can get some pussy
In the land of kimchi

He landed in Korea
And oh what luck
He found that Korean Mud Ducks
Would actually let him fuck

In Korea his time was sublime
Soju, norebang, p.c. rooms, and mountains to climb
He became the greatest of the great kimchi cheerleaders
Until that faithful day he met his own kimchi crotchbleeder

With her large kimchi head and tiny black eyes
She knew our boy Smithee would be quite a prize
She said to herself that it would be fun I suppose
To lead a stupid waegookin around by the nose

Now being an honest woman she was a bitch from the start
Making him carry her purse around the local E-Mart
He should have run at this part
But too late children he already gave her his heart

Standing around smiling stupidly at all her family events
The decisions of our boy Smithee made no sense
Then one day our hero got down on one knee to propose
And with that act a lifetime of indentured servitude he chose

Now this Dragon Cunt would bitch about life in all of its facets
And to punctuate her points her sharp tounge and left hook were her greatest assets
She controlled his money,his fashion, his comings and going ,all but his drinking
What a Titanic size mistake I made with my life he is thinking

After 10 years of perpetual PMS
Our boy Smithee gets an idea, he knows what's best
He said" I know what to do , I know how to treat her
I'll do what Whoopi told Harpo to do and beat her

Imagine two bitches slapping each other as she smiles her Dragon Cunt smile with glee
For your egregious act of slapping me
I will now go out and buy a shitty puppy
Well I am Smithee and I am going to run around outside naked to embarass your family.

Now being a Dragon Cunt she decides to take a vacation
Leaving our hero a shitty dog, 400 bucks,and Youporn masturbation
To this qagumire of shit the wise Mike in Korea tried to lend a hand
But our champion rebuffed him because his man pussy was filled with sand

His apartment full of shit, empty Jinro, and dog, life is now hard
Especially with no money, bankbook , or atm card
You see Dragon Cunt doesn't trust our savior Smithhee with money for fear he may flee
So she gave all of his financial information to her mommy

What to do in this situation he drew a blank
While 99.999% of people would just go to the bank
So on his hands his knees to the evil Rice Queen he did crawl
Scared to explain to the evil Dragon Cunt any unauthorized withdrawal

To Smithee, Mike was taught to be a "Man for Others" and a helper
So here is the number for a Seoul Battered Women's Shelter (02 2263-6465)
To my children I hope you enjoyed the tale but Smithee won't live happily
But please please please remember the moral to the story
You can be a man
Or you can be a Smithee

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  1. I like you Mike, but calling someone's wife a cunt is off limit. This fucks all the goodness of the text.

  2. Calling anyone a cunt is never off limits. Unless it's your mom. Then that's just wrong.

  3. If I knew Mr and Mrs Smithee personally I would never refer to her as a cunt but since I am responding to the caricature he painted of his anonymous wife as a cunt I don't feel like I'm out of bounds.

  4. You're just full of rhyming brilliance lately, aren't you! Fucking hilarious! I feel really sorry for that dog though.

  5. You inspired me it is for the kids. I just hope he keeps his mouth shut so I can move on to other things.

  6. So Smithee, is your dick tucked in between your legs, or is your mangina just natural?

  7. Glad to see you're back posting again. I won't stop, can't stop, don't even know how to stop readin'... your blog is such a refreshing change from the rest of the vanilla k-blogs about. I guess yours would be chocolate then.

    I have to say though, it's pretty naive and short-sighted of you stooges to think that the Idiot's blog is an accurate reflection of his actual life.

    You're right about his portrayal of wife being a caricature; it's a exactly that.

    I don't doubt the bullshit that he posts has some basis in reality, and that he posts actual events, but if any of you really think you know anything about him or his wife or family from a blog, you're a fool.

    What's the point of schooling someone who is quite literally an actual joke? It's like ribbing Groucho Marx for how lame his moustache and eyebrows are...

  8. The original post that started all of this was more of an instructional to men in general rather than directions for his personal situation. I wouldn't have commented but he wrote something that I felt was condescending towards me in one of his post. So I lit him a little bit.

  9. As for Mr. Wonderful you should save your energy for that Dragon Cunt of yours.

  10. hahaha, his wife probably withdrew 90% of their savings and bought a house next to Smithsee's mom's house.

    She'll come back when the boys are out of high school.

    Meanwhile, his public school will continue putting his paychecks into his account which his mother controls.

    It's funny, cause it's true.