Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The 10 Kimchi Commandments

In honor of Flint

Rule #1 Honesty is not the Best Policy
In the land of kimchi
You'll be up shit's creek
If you don't lie and sneak
Take it from me
Honesty is costly
I told my boss I was leaving
So 1.5(mil) she was thieving

#2 Leave the Koreans Be
Did you come here to make friends or to make money
I don't know about you
But I'm no dope
When I want to see Koreans up close
I use a telescope.

#3 Don't trust nobody
Surrounded by the Korean phoney
And the foreigner clown
don't be a standup dude when everybody else sits down

Never cause a Korean to lose face
unless you want major problems in this place
Surrounded by luxury and riches
if embarassed they still act like bitches
For my money the best idea
is to play the stupid waegook in Korea

#5 That contract aint worth the toilet paper in a fat ladies ass crack
You might think it's your most prized possession
But this is Korea son
and those are just suggestions

#6 That Goddamn credit
dead it
Think a Korean is grateful for extra work
forget it
All that spicy kimchi
Causes real short memory
Tell them it is quid pro quo
Want something from me
let's discuss time off or doe

#7 This rule is for the long legged Mack Daddy novice
But For any true player completely obvious
Keep your money and your bitch completely seperated
Otherwise you'll sound like a real dummy
asking your mother-in-law for an advance on Your money.

#8 Stay out of Korean Bullshit
Whatever the situation is you can't help it
With your "Truth, Justice and the American Way"
I once saw a chick getting her ass kicked and I looked the other way
Because if I would have laid hands on him who do you think would have to pay?

#9 Keep your fucking hands to your self
Unless you like handing over your wealth
Don't believe me
The going rate for striking a Korean in self-defense is 4.3(mil won)
If you have to fight I suggest you win quick
When he does his Tae Kwon Do Show
Kick him in the dick

#10 Should have been #1 for me
Never lose sight of the money
You are not a teacher
And this is not a school
You are a parent appeaser
Being employed by a fool
So the #1 golden rule of teachers of Englishee
Say whatever you want it's cool
But at the end of the day fuck you pay me

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  1. Excellent !

    On that beat it'd be pure madness ;-)


  2. That is fantastic. :)

    I learned 1,4,5 and 10 the hard way. Would have been nice to have a warning like this when I first came to Korea.

  3. I live by number 1. Number 4, I have serious problems with. Haha!

  4. Haha! I'm glad I am reading this BEFORE I get on the plane :)

  5. You know, this really should be added to Korea: Lousy Shit tourist brochures. If people knew these things, they might not want to punch the immigration officer as they as hightailing it out of here.

  6. if i had to redo it i would change some of the entries