Thursday, November 19, 2009

Quick Thoughts

If you have an exotic pet please kill yourself.

I am an anti-pet person. I mean what the fuck is a matter with you? You can't find any companionship. So you throw in with this animal which is like a baby that will never grow up.Please kill yourself you lonely motherfucker. If you have children and they ask for a pet tell them the same thing my mother told my little brother. "You better go find you a goddamn friend and leave me the fuck alone" Now i have many reasons to hate pets but here are a few

I don't want to step in shit
I don't want to see shit
I'don't want to smell shit
I don't want to see you picking up shit
I don't want to look down as I am walking through a field to avoid shit
I don't want to see shit stains
I don't want to hear barking
I don't want your dog that you trained to only bark at Black people barking at me
I don't want cat/dog hair on me.
I don't want you low self esteem/small dick assholes walking around with your dogs trying to scare me.
I don't want to see your boa constrictor or python
I don't want to see an exotic bird on your shoulder unless you are a goddamn pirate.
Some of you special motherfuckers can't be bothered with a regular pain in the ass pet. I'm talking to you ferret, pot bellied pig, flying squirrel motherfuckers.You aren't special or cool because of your tarantulas or fucking wombats. You are the pet world's version of an Ed Hardy wearer.

Horse Fuckery
There is a guy in South Carolina who likes fucking a particular horse .I hate horses but if you can find a horse that will let you fuck it then you found the right fucking horse . Because I guarantee you if that horse didn't want to be fucked that owner would find a dead pervert with his Underoos around his knees and a hoof size hole in his chest.I blame the owner for two reasons.

Reason #1 The owner bought a horse who liked to be fucked by humans and she can't protect it.
Reason #2 I think she is standing in the way of love . Just imagine it he sneaks into the stable and he looks into the horses eyes the horse looks into his eyes and the Etta James plays.

Now some of you All-American freedom loving assholes own bears,tigers, lions,monkeys etc.
Please get thee to a cliff immediately. When I was growing up in Cleveland there was a drug dealer named Doos(I'm not stupid that is how he spelled it) who was about 19 years old and had a yellow Corvette convertible he used to make deliveries in. Now this Mensa member took some of his drug profits and bought a baby monkey. This fucking monkey always smelled like shit and his only talent was pulling the bikini tops off girls at the beach. Later that asshole Doos gets shot in the head in that conspicuous ass car and at the wake his dumbass mother is walking around asking people if they want to adopt the monkey. I told her naaw bitch that's your new grandchild , hell he was already called Doos jr.

I propose a new rule. If a pet is acting in anyway that is annoying to a human being that person has the right to terminate that animal.I call it the Terminate on Sight(T.O.S)or Taking Out Spot Law. If you are an American please contact your member of Congress and tell them you back my resolution.


Cleveland is a postindustrial wasteland on the banks of Lake Erie which has the unfortunate location of being down river from Detroit. It is an embarassment and an abomination to call that place my hometown.Cleveland is the home of the Rock&Roll Hall of Fame and Museum. Now most induction ceremonies for museums happen at the actual museum. Not the Rock Hall. The musicians decided that Cleveland is a waste of time and they would rather perform in New York. So they have the ceremony in New York and show it on a t.v. inside the hall of fame.

I am the only bright spot in that entire city and I left last March. So what did the good citizens do to make me proud. They went and got themselves some international coverage. We had the cross dressing mayor. to be fair it was the mayor of East Cleveland Ohio.If you ever flushed your toilet and wonder where all the excrement goes there you go. ITt is the place people move to when paying 350 dollars a month in some Cleveland ghetto is a little to steep.(BTW the actual mayor of Cleveland has a Cab Calloway early Malcolm X style conk watch the video)
Then it was the serial killer stockpiling women's bodies like cord wood in his basement. That story had legs I saw it on Al Jazeera and Korean news. One of my co-teachers asked me Mike where are you from again? Not from there motherfucker. I think I am going to tell people here I'm from Laurel Delaware and watch their head explode trying to pronounce it.

1 comment:

  1. I used to know a guy who had a baby alligator in his basement. As far as exotic pets go, that's pretty bad-ass. He would throw raw meat at it twice a day.