Saturday, November 14, 2009

Nigerians, Fat Chicks, and Mud Ducks

One of my Korean readers sent in a comment describing me as a fried chicken eating, watermelon loving, Kool-Aid drinking nigger in so many words. I thought it was so funny that I was going to write a post about the Korean love affair with fried chicken and watermelon and call it Black Like Me. But quite frankly I didn't feel like going to get art for the post. So instead I have decided to dedicate this post to answering a reader question.


I have read a lot of accounts of the Nigerian wannabe gangsters and stuff in Itaewon. Are they really a big problem over there?


Well children I personally respect the Nigerians hustle. From all accounts Nigeria is a terrible violent place racked with crime and poverty. To escape Nigeria men; and some women, get on planes and fly thousands of miles for a chance at a new and better life.I respect that because there are cats in my neighborhood in Cleveland who wouldn't go to Akron in search of work. I have met Nigerians in Japan, Thailand, and Korea . When they come to Korea they have to take the 3D (dangerous, dirty,difficult) jobs for as little as 3.00 dollars per hour. Those with enough hustle and luck escape the Korean factories and open their own businesses in Itaewon. Mostly clothes and hair shops but a few make money by shoving drugs into their assholes and smuggling it around Asia. Now to get a resident visa a Nigerian must marry a Korean woman and that is where the fake gangsterism comes in.


There is a certain type of Korean woman who is enthralled by hip hop culture. You'll see her walking around in a velour Phat Farm short set with a Kangol and door knocker earrings. The male counterpart to this is not actual African-American men in Korea. Rather it is the Nigerians who wear full basketball uniforms, wave caps incorrectly, matching tennis shoes, and fake gold fronts. It is like they are channeling 50 cent and Lil Jon at the same time. So anyway the prime mating ground of these two species is a club in Itaewon called the King's Club. The King's Club is dark and tacky with Filipina bar girls and a tiny dance floor. I have been there on a few occasions and I have literally seen Nigerian cats push Black women out of the way to get to at a fat white girl or Korean mud duck in her entourage.




I was sitting in a restaurant reading my 15.00$ G.Q. magazine when this Nigerian cat and white girl came in and sat at the adjacent table. The white girl looked like a blond version of Ruby and the Nigerian looked like Soulja Boy. So I'm sitting here listening to their conversation and he is laying it on thick.


Nigerian (in his cookie monster accent): You are the prettiest girl I have ever seen
White Girl( in her Texas corn pone drawl): Really
Nigerian: Yes you are so sexy to me I love your skin
White Girl: Oh thank you
Nigerian: You have a sexy body


Now here children is where I almost threw up in my mouth. The Nigerian cat is looking at me out of the corner of his eye as if he were in a convertible Bentley and I pulled up in a '93 Civic , looking like if you would have made different choices in your life maybe you would be sitting here with all this white woman. So he and I lock eyes and I'm shaking my head no like in one of those movies with a bomb linked to a car ignition switch. But he does it anyway, he involves me in his wack game.


Nigerian: Hey Brudda sexy lady right?
Me: ????????


Now I hate cosigning bullshit and it is a tactical error involving a man you don't know in your game. So I'm stalling and all I can think about is my theories on fat ugly women. You see children I developed this theory about fat ugly women after many months of working for a horrendous looking Black woman at Social Security. This chick was about 5'9 230 lbs of gooey bad attitude wrapped in Lane Bryant polyester pant suits from 1989. She wore tons of foundation (which made her look like she was about to perform a minstrel show) cherry red lipstick and grape colored eyeshadow. The finishing touch was; and I kid you not children, a Stoney Jackson jheri curl . So I would look at this killer clown she-monster everyday and I came to the conclusion that the only way I or any other moderately attractive male would pay her any attention is if she was completely open sexually and bought me things. So I figure in her youth she did just that. She was probably doing anal 25 years ago when it wasn't popular. Guys probably made her get on all fours and rode her around the bedroom in a makeshift master blaster costume. She also looked like she signed for a lot of car loans in her time. ( As an experiment ask your fattest ugliest female friend has she ever heard the phrase " we gon' do some new shit tonight" as a prelude to something humiliating, disgusting, or dangerous. I guarantee she has. )


So I decide that I am going to help old boy out. If he likes it I love it.


Me: Yeah man I was thinking, I hope you go to the bathroom or something so I can talk to her.
I'm feeling the blond hair and and those thick thighs. I bet she has a nice ass. I love a
thick woman. What's your name sweetheart?


So old boy is looking at me like hey that's enough and she is blushing(which makes her look like Santa Claus)


Me: you a lucky dude good thing you got to this woman before I did you two have a good night.


I know I did enough to soak down her panties which should have made it plenty easy for my Nigerian brother to seal the deal. The funny thing is I have seen this scenario played out with Korean women and at the end of three years when the Nigerian cat gets his Korean citizenship he divorces the Korean mud duck and brings over his real wife from Nigeria.







12 comments:

  1. Reminds me of an identical situation a while back, when I was living in Saint Louis, Missouri. Any 400 pounds woman was Missis Right for one of my Mexican buddies.

    Linked your blog on mine, since you're amongst the only 3 blogs I read everyday.

    Cheers.

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  2. thanks alot you must really like it considering I only post every 4 days.

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  3. It's about quality, not quantity ;-)

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  4. well am a nigerian and i love you posts but i have to disagree with you on this one........nigeria got it own share of poverty so does other countries and the united states itself. but dont always believe what you see on bbc and cnn.......violent crime??......only the statistics of violent crime in los angels alone outnumbers that of nigeria how much more new orleans, detriot and ghetto parts of new york.....and to think of it. crimes in nigeria could be out of living in extreme poverty......the ones i read in american news seems to be out of stupidity.....eg bloods and crips killings because of colors.......now you talk about the mud ducks and fat women......dude everyone have their own preference......you have yours, i have mine and the next guy probably have his......africans are known to fancy bb women, i dont know why but it definitely got something to do with traditions.......you may have fun time blogging about nigerian problems which i dont in anyway take issues with it but i hope you wont take any issue with a nigerian blogging about the slave mentality that still exists in most african americans he had encountered both here in korea and in the states.....why do you think most africans still refer to you guys as "cotton pickers with no tradition"?.....majority of slaves from africa where captured and taken to the american soil but do you know some were sold by their families and communities in africa cos they where seen as useless and cursed due to the live style some lived(remember that africans where living peacefully till the white man came so anybody who is an enemy to peace was immediately discarded). infact they were cursed and from the line of outcastes and the out caste where people who committed grave offences in the community so how are you sure of your ancestors.......no nigerian is claiming to be a gangster in korea(stop mistaking our being outspoken with lots of gesture as claiming a gang or a thug)......they are just dressing the way they seem fit to them no matter how odd it might be. its still their body and they never asked you for money to buy those cloths.......at least i respect the so called mud ducks cos despite the insults and funny looks they experience on daily bases in this racist country while hanging out with foreigner, they stand up tall and keep their head up and beside the mud ducks i have known or seen were never interested in marrying a foreigner and if they did it was african americans so as to go to your country.....so dude your people are as quilty as charged. the koreans that were divorced by nigerians were the ones that filed for it. no nigerian forced them to do so and most nigerians marrying to a korean doesnt even know where a divorce court is located let alone filing a divorce. finally since all my stay in korea(almost 6 years)i have never seen a nigerian married to a korean woman and have a wife in nigeria.......you despise korea alot but why listen to the lies in their news....oh if it was another country no problem. but if it was about you or your country you ask them what kind of fuckery is it

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  5. the nigerian that stayed with a korean and later divorce her to bring his wife from nigeria.i would love to see the guy infact give me his info if you have any......or perhaps you were in a relationship with a korean woman who had to divorce her nigerian spouse cos she couldnt cope with the relationship and feed you garbages about nigerians so as to make herself look good......just like they feed us garbages about african americans and white whenever they break up with then and start a relationship with nigerians....one even went ahead to say that we nigerians are cleaner than white guys here in korea.......but you dont see us calling whites dirty cos we know it is the words of a heart broken and desperate slut.......

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  6. To be quite honest I'm not clamoring to get into a debate on how poor and shitty Nigeria is as compared to an American ghetto. Maybe a year and a half ago I would have been willing to discuss with you why Nigerians so readily adopt our inferior culture with no traditions when we could give less than a fuck about yours . But I'm just not that into talking about Korea or Nigeria. I suggest you start your own blog and you can talk about the Nigerian experience in Korea. I laid out my position in the disclaimer

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  7. and what are the cultures the nigerians are adopting??......you mean you see some dressed like american hip hop artist??....they are not adopting american culture.......infact i dont see any form of american culture being adopted in nigeria unless you are talking about nigerian hiphop artist......well they are doing it for the money and fame but an everyday nigerian never gave a shit about american culture how much more adopting it. i have seen two or three african american eating african traditional dish but that doesnt mean that all african americans want to start eating african food......dude you have to travel around africa and you will be stunned like your fellow african americans by what you see.......besides why are you avoiding the topic at hand which is about nigerians and mud ducks and fat women and as you mentioned above a nigerian divorcing a korean woman after getting his citizenship and bringing over his wife from nigeria. i asked you for proofs but why are you backing off?......if you are all what you said about yourself in this blog then convince me that there is such a case.......pls no offence............maybe you dont live in seoul but if you are here, you dont need to be a rocket scientist to know that african americans dont like africans and africans themselves dont like them(african americans).......nigerians prefer the company of white guys than that of blacks from america........for instance last three months a guy from senegal was having a misunderstanding with his korean ex girlfriend(broken up for over 3 months) in the club. infact she saw him dancing with another girl and went over and began to assault him..... when the guy JUST held her hands to ask her what was her problem, a group of AFRICAN AMERICANS almost numbering 4 jumped on the guy and started beating him just like that, no reason .......for what?, to impress a korean girl, a girl from another race that never gave a shit about you and looked down on u as losers because you are black. korean guys never said anything but just ask the girl why attack the guy.....when they found out she was just a drunken and a crazed bitch they koreans were the ones that convinced the club owner to have her thrown out........but what did the african americans do?.....show their retard strenght on a guy that was almost 50 kg in weight......africans had more fights with african americans than they do with koreans or whites and this always make me wonder why.......when a group of african americans found out that the korean chick they were hitting on had a nigerian boyfriend what did they do? they jumped on him and stabbed him with a broken bottle and fled the scene. it happen in king club.....a korean girl keept telling an african american guy that she is in a relationship with a nigerian guy but the guy refused to stop bothering her despite the fact that her boyfriend was there watching. a fight broke out and the american got his nose broken and twisted to left. he went to call the cops. it happen in itaewon 7 eleven store......there are other stories i could talk about but i wont go into it

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  8. you said you have seen nigerian cats literally push black women out of the way to get a korean mud duck.......no disrespect for the african american ladies but that direct pipeline of bullshit you talked about concerning korean girls. well we nigerians and other africans have seen it been plumbered by some of them.......and to make matters worst they will not do it themselves, they will want you to do the construction, the channeling and the connections to your own home then they will proceed to do the pumping all the africa a poor continent and you being unable to live without them uber bullshits.......african americans are having a hard time and complaining about the attitude of their fellow females in korea how much more an african......i have seen an african brother literally get shit upon by african american females just because they were passing and he said hello to them so why wont those guy even "head butt" them out of the way just to get a mud duck??...... during the hurricane katrina crisis in new orleans an african guy was having a misunderstanding with his african american wife she told him to "shut up or else she will send him back to africa".....well the fellow africans said to her " atleast he has a country to go back to but where will she go now that she is homeless?"am not saying we are all that holy nor that we dont have our faults but we always think about ours before we go printing about others faults and make fun of it

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  9. Once again I'm no longer on the Korean beat and frankly I don't care either way. If your contention is that African-American men and Nigerians don't like each other why are you on the blog of an African American man? I'll concede that the divorce story was told to me once by a Nigerian about another Nigerian but everything else is a first person anecdote and I don't apologize for that. As for your war stories I never wallowed in the Itaewon gutter often so I would have no way of confirming, denying, or rebutting your stories and even if I could I don't care about the discussion.

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  10. It's funny I started off the post by saying I respect the Nigerian's hustle but you seem to want draw me into some bullshit debate about ignorant interactions you have seen or heard of with African-Americans and I'm not interested.

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  11. I don't know what you are doing but your comments always go to the spam folders first. This is my blog and I engage my readers as I see fit. If you scroll through the comment section of this blog you'll see my response rate is close to 100% also but that is of my choosing not yours.

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