Friday, January 8, 2010

What Kind of Fuckery is This?

I'll start in with the Thailand stories in a few days. I use to live here when I was studying Muay Thai so I have a lot of thoughts and impression about my favorite country. In the meantime I have been reading two blogs fairly regularly. The first Korea is Best is probably the best humor blog I have ever read. It is almost spot on in the type of conversations waegookin must endure in kimchiland. The second blog is Idiot(which you can click on down below on the right). Now I don't read his blog for his shitty 80's music, or his ramblings on global economics or U.S. politics, or even his helpful hints on how I should react to Korean racism. No children I read his stories because I find the interplay between Idiot and his wife fascinating. According to Idiot she spends at least a quarter of every month being a violent bitch towards him. Now this isn't an isolated incident of emasculated manhood on the peninsula by any means. I have met or know currently about 8 guys who have married Korean girls and each one tells stories of varying degrees of this fuckery. 5 of the guys I know receive either a daily or weekly allowance. Let that sink in children adult men receiving an allowance. Even in Idiot's tale he had to ask his wife to leave him more than 10.00 dollars when she was planning to leave for 3 days. I have been told on 3 seperate occasions of husbands being told by their wives that they should pee sitting down. One guy once told me that the hierarchy in his house was as follows; his mother in law, his wife , his older sister in law , and then him.A little history, a lot of these cats were getting average to below average white pussy back in their home countries with significant effort but they land in Korea flashing that beautiful white skin and these K-girls fall down and spread their legs. Most of these guys will enjoy being an overvalued commodity in this particular marketplace for awhile and then cycle back home. A few of the more unfortunate blokes will marry Korean girls and bring a direct pipeline of Korean Bullshit into their homes. For their part these Korean chicks marry these foreign dudes as a hustle. If a Korean woman marries a Korean man she has to answer to his mother. If he is the first born son then she has lifelong responsibilities to his parents. If they have children and divorce the kids go to the man in most situations here. The behavioral expectations of a Korean man for his wife are so high that white guys are seen as an escape from the traditional Korean Bullshit they would otherwise have to endure(I'll talk about it more in Korean Sex Game Part II).To put it in "nigger code" the white boys here are a "rest haven for hoes".

Since Idiot was nice enough to give me advice on how to handle Koreans I will now return the favor by telling him how to handle his wife.

Step 1 You Can Act Like A Man

A lot of these dudes like being taken care of like children. They like to be told to wear tacky Samsung shiny suits with pink ties and Bedazzled dress shirts. They like being told what to eat by mommy and they like to receive an allowance. They'll justify all of this by saying it is easier for her to do it for me because I'm not Korean and I don't know how to do it or I don't speak the language. But if you call them on their bullshit they retreat to the old bromide of well the" Dragon Lady won't let me..." So what these cats need to do a.s.a.p is start wresting control out of the hands of the woman( the secret is most women don't want control you weak sons of bitches because their is nothing as unsettling to a woman than a weak mate). On Monday morning go to the bank and open up an account for your paycheck. Step two have your wife or girlfriend bring you all the monthly bills plus projected spending money. Step 3 have her request a certain amount of money from you every month. Step 4 give her 20.00 dollars less than she asked for and tell her to make it work.

Step 2 If you have to hit your woman more than once(in life) you have already failed.

I was watching that Mutual of Omaha Wild America Series when I was a kid and I saw a segment on the wolverine. According to the show if a bear crossed the path of a wolverine the bear would turn back because it wouldn't be worth the fight. As a man you need to establish in the beginning that any act of aggression will be met with disproportionate force. I have never had to raise my voice to any woman I have ever been with because I do a good job of screening out crazy or uncooperative women. But if a woman was to strike she me she wouldn't do it twice.

Da Bin: Where have you been?
So Young: Girl, I slapped Mike in Korea in the face and the next thing I know I
was in the trunk of a Daewoo

Hyori: Why are you shaking?
Min Jee: Girl, I tried to kick Mike in Korea in the balls and I woke up tied to
a rock in the damn Han River

Soo Young: Are you okay? what happened last night I heard you yelling and then a
crash and then silence?
Tae young: I was yelling at Mike in Korea and he was ignoring me and playing his
PS3 when I picked up a plate and threw at his head. In one motion he
paused the game , put down the controller , caught the plate and sat it
on the table. He then looked at me and the next thing I remember I was
in a Korean pink pussy box with a sign that said 2 for 5 around my neck.

Step 3 Stop making excuses for her behavior

When I talk to cats or read their accounts on the internet they frequently say she isn't mean all of the time, or her hormones are off due to pregnancy or pms, or it is just her culture. Bullshit, if she was the executive secretary for the Chairman of Samsung I guarantee she would not be giving him shit a couple of days per month. She didn't grow up giving her father a bunch of shit because she was on the rag, and if she went to school in Korea in the late 80's early 90's I guarantee she didn't get lippy with the male staff of her school. No my friend she saved that bullshit for you the man she loves.

Step 4 Role Models

You need to find a drunken old Korean man with jet black hair (with hair plugs) in his seventies who doesn't speak English and ask him to school you. Now he will probably tell you to go fuck yourself for dating/marrying a Korean girl but once you get past that he will be a wealth of information. A lot of you bastards don't know this but I lived with an old Korean family for 9 months during one of my tours here. It was me and Grandma and Grandpa. Now grandpa was the best, this dude would come into the apartment take off his sport coat and throw it right on the floor and grandma would practically slip n slide across the polished wood floors picking it up. . When food came into the house grandma would make his plate , serve him, and then make everyone else's plate. Sometimes he would come home at 4 a.m. drunk and singing and shit. He would also invite random unsavory characters over for drinks and cigarettes at all times of the day and night because he didn't care his home was his fiefdom and you had to respect him. He never washed a dish, or ironed his clothes, or cooked a meal and when he got sick grandma slept outside of his door on a plastic bench. She wouldn't even leave to get food. I couldn't imagine grandma telling grandpa here is your weekly allowance. Or come straight home after work. It was Mr. Park's birthday last weekend so let's all salute my favorite person in Korea.

Step 5 Detente

Finally, if you insist on being with the woman because you have aged out of the Korean dating pool and you don't feel you can upgrade from her, or you have kids, or you don't want to lose your house and money( I once met a guy who divorced a Korean woman and he lost his house and all the money he slaved away to save It think it was 40,000 dollars or so. . What he got in return was to get the fuck out of Korea when the marriage was dissolved since he never established formal residency) then you need to negotiate a new type of relationship. Maybe roomates, or friends with benefits, or an open marriage. Who knows but some you fellas have established so many pussy precedents that the internal rot of your relationship is permanent.

It is difficult to be a man and lead a family but remember the words of the great Michael Corleone "Right or wrong, I'm the head of this family".


  1. Interesting read. I have to agree, I don't let anyone hit me.

  2. Oh no Mike, you have really done it now. You see you are suppose to look adoringly at Korean women and know that these 'beauties' are only for the Korean males. hahaha.

  3. I have been in Korea on and off for eleven years, and I have been married for half of that time.
    Unlike some "cats" (didn't that term die in the 70's) I didn't come to Korea for sex.
    However, along the way I dated a few women in Korea (Western girl's as well), and eventually met a woman who I wanted to be with. She was Korean.
    I'm sorry to write that we share a mature relationship, in which both of us understand and respect the differences we have. After all it's a part of the attraction. Unlike ASmith or some of your acquaintances, we get along with our respective extended families, and we certainly don't have a matriarchal, or patriarchal house. We are adults.
    When I read your list, I had to laugh, because NONE of the things written had happened to me, or during our marriage. I emphasis again we are ADULTS!
    Maybe my wife is different? She does work full time for an international company, and she often travels abroad. (mostly to Europe) She had been doing this for a number of years before we met. This may have provided her with experiences of "western" culture which has helped with our relationship. Who knows? I have an interest in Korean culture, taking the time to learn the language, and adapt while we live here.
    We also own an apartment in Korea, as well as a house in my home country, so we are not tied to one culture, or value the assumptions coming from others about the "way to proper living."
    I find your stereotyping sad, and hope that at least my little story may stand up against those you have heard.
    A happily married adult.

  4. I didn't say it was impossible to have a mature relationship with a korean woman. But please go read idiot's blog including the comments section and see if you don't detect a common theme.I think what I wrote was closer to the norm than your personal exp.

  5. Agreed.
    I have read Idiots blog, and I admit the life I share with my wife might as well be on a different planet. But who really knows? It's a blog after all.
    It's also true that you didn't say it was impossible to have a mature relationship with a Korean woman, but neither did you say it was. Hence my reply.
    "If you have to hit your woman more than once(in life) you have already failed."
    I agree with this completely. My father, grand father, and great grandfather were all involved in boxing, either as trainers or fighters. They were old style men with dignity and manners. Before my brothers and I were taught to fight, we gave our word never to use what we had learnt outside of the square. I have never been in a fight outside of the ring, nor was I hit by my parents.
    (Except sparring with Dad)
    I teach my wife how to fight, and she's got a mean looping right hook, but she is also under the same rules.
    I have never used the 20 odd years of boxing to threaten or intimidate. In fact, most of my friends don't know about my past. Not because I'm ashamed, but because it's no ones business.
    Moreover, growing up in gyms, I met a lot of people from different backgrounds, and races. I myself am white, but my three best friends growing up were immigrants. (We all boxed together) One guy was from Angola, one from China, and another from Lebanon. Boxing is a kind of sport which takes race apart. We all bleed the same color.
    I found your entry sad because it perpetuated stereotypes. As a black man, you would know the effects stereotypes have on people in the way they perceive you. This is one thing Korea needs a lot less of in my opinion.

  6. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my blog. I think the disclaimer is pretty clear in laying out the fact that I am aware that every situation is unique and should be judged on its own. As for my post I would argue that I'm talking about a very specific subset of interracial marriage on the peninsula. I could have written a post about the farmers around Hapcheon who import brides from other countries and beat the shit out of them. You might say hey that is an ignorant stereotype not all farmers beat the shit out of foreign brides and you would be right. But it is a big enough problem that the Korean government started a program to combat spousal abuse in that subset of inter-cultural marriage. So in your opinion would I be wrong to say a lot of the farmers around me beat the shit out of their third world wives because it is not true 100% though a significant problem?

  7. Hay.
    Point taken. I may be a little sensitive about this issue, so I will need to give it some thought. I'll ask my wife and hear what she thinks.
    The beating of foreign wives in Korea is a huge problem. I had read that Cambodia (I think) had banned their nationals from marrying Korean men via the mail order bride system, although I do not know if that's due to the beating issue.
    Perhaps that's one reason the Korean government set up the program? I hope it works.
    Anyhow, interesting blog.
    Good luck to you.

  8. Your tips are pretty much spot on, although they're more general info than specific to Korea.

  9. Dude I'm Gyopo from the States, been here for only 5 days but I know power relationships in Korea. Your absolutely right! You have to assert yourself or someone is going to fill the power void. Power in Korea is a zero sum game given the Confucian system.

    Ok elaboration.

    Unlike the Western World which separates and divides individuals. IE if you brother is a no good looser it's ok to ignore him kinda. In the Confusion system your a part of an organic whole, ie family and country. There is a pecking order. It's a top down system.

    Given that there is an inherent strong sense of propriety IE "oughtness" or what should happen / your obligations to make it happen.

    If you don't assert yourself and pick up your share of the intellectual slack then someone namely your wife's family will, not out of bitchiness although that's what it looks like to a westerner, they just do it because it feels right.

    In Korea to not assert yourself is perceived as not caring and being mentally weak and lazy. There is no "its all good" attitude in Korea. Why? Fucking War that's why! People who took the "whatever" attitude died or became Uncle Tom's to the Japanese.

  10. "If a ho don't have no instruction, she's gonna be headed for self-destruction, nam sayin?." American Pimp

  11. Tweeted! Too damn funny!

  12. It's not just Korea, amigo. PLENTY of american men fall into the same category.