Fuck you , Fuck you , Fuck You (Precious is coming to Taiwan)

I was at the gym doing my cardio and flipping through the channels. When I saw a commercial for this shit here.

That's right children Goddamn Precious is coming to Taiwan. The worst film in the history of Black cinema will be splashed all over t.v. screens across Taiwan. Luckily Asians don't like to watch Black people in movies so maybe we can localize the damage to a few thousand households. This song is a clarion call for white people in these tough economic times. It has incest,illiteracy, poverty, and rape a veritable smorgasbord of Black pathology. The white feel good movie of the year.

But you know who I hold responsible for this shit stain on Celluloid

and






You see children somebody at Lionsgate saw a rough cut of this film and said this is good for white folks but the darkies might go apeshit we need some cover. So they called America's favorite mammy and the #1 cross dressing Black director in Hollywood and asked them to put their names on this fuckery. They said yes because white people told them to and in a time when the first family is Black we were treated to Precious .

White folks were so happy that they gave Mo'nique an Oscar for confirming everything they thought about Black women.

Tyler Perry was so envious of that success he pulled on his Victoria Secret's and ran to get some financing so he could try to get an Oscar nomination.So one good turn deserves another and Lionsgate provided the funding and distribution for this nonsensical abortion.

Oprah mammy in chief wasn't done endorsing fuckery because she lent her name to 2011's white feel good movie.





In 2011 a coming of age story about a white woman and her mammy. My Great-Great Grandmother was alive when I was a small boy. She was born in Arkansas in the small years of the 20th century and to my knowledge never attended a school. She bore one child ;my great-grandmother, in Arkansas. To my knowledge she never attended high school. My Great-Grandmother had one child and raised her in Youngstown Ohio. My grandmother never finished high school. My point is none of these women sounded like slaves like the bitches in this film. " My favorite quote is "they love us and we love them ." Really, so thousands of Black women had no greater aspirations than to take a segregated bus to the white side of town. Cook and clean for racist white people all day, get back on the segregated bus before sundown(very important) and then tend to their own families 6 days per week.


Now I know the moral of the story is that there was some sort of fake ass sisterhood between southern white women and their Black mammies;but, that ain't the truth. Truth is they were right there every step of the way and movies like the Help are doing a disservice to the historical record.




Precious is a shameful piece of shit that finally wiped Monster's Ball from my pre-frontal lobe as the most disgusting film ever. i would rather watch two girls and one cup on a loop than to sit through a screening of Precious.

Cops are bitches Update

The average American police officer is a gigantic pussy who didn't get enough attention or respect in high school so these low grade simpletons take a job in a profession in which disrespect in and of itself can be deemed a criminal offense. I've been all over the world and the only police that routinely fuck with tax paying citizens are American police. In all of the other first world countries I've been to ,the police treat their citizens like employers that should be served. In the third world countries the police had a healthy amount of fear of the local population. Either way it is better than America's bullshit law enforcement. So in the interest of being helpful I have devised a list to help you with deal with cops.





Please remember that all cops are bitches with low self-esteem who are in a permanent state of pms style cramping. I guess those gun belts throw their backs out of alignment.


Rule #1
Never answer any questions
You'll often encounter cops in your car or walking down the street and they'll get a notion in their head to fuck with you. (They call it probable cause)
If this is the situation nothing can be gained by answering their stupid fucking questions beyond giving your name.
For example when cops pull you over they'll say do you know why I pulled you over?
This isn't the time to start guessing and incriminating yourself further so just say no. He'll tell you shortly any way.
They'll also ask you where you are going or where you coming from?
He can eat a bag of dicks before I answer that question.
He asks where are you going and you answer honestly and he says "really we had a disturbance back there."
So I always say you know I'm just just trying to get back to the highway so I couldn't honestly tell you where I was, I'm unfamiliar with the area and I think I'm driving in circles.

Rule #2 No unnecessary conversation
Technically you are allowed to ask if you are under arrest or are you free to leave.
Now cops are bitches and they hate for you to know your rights let alone exercise
them so I would only question it if I'm in a public area with lots of witnesses. Otherwise say nothing
A cop is like a bitch and we all know bitches have to the last word. If you don't give it to them they'll keep escalating the encounter until they get it.

Rule #3 Searches
You don't have to consent to a search and I never do. I don't smoke weed or even drink so there is nothing dirty in my car ever. Cops will say do you mind emptying your pockets you can also refuse to do this. Remember the pussy can only pat you down if he believes you pose a threat.

Rule #4 No unnecessary conversation
Cops are prickly bitches and a lot of people lose it at this point. They have been stopped single out humiliated and they want to lash out verbally. this is what the bitch cop was hoping for because 9x out of 10 he doesn't have anything on you but you give him ammo to arrest you when you lash out at him.

Rule #5 Never let a policeman into your home
Police can only enter your home with a warrant or if there is an emergency situation. If not just like a True Blood vampire they have to be invited in. Don't invite them in, close the door and step outside to conduct your business.

Just watch the first 3 minutes


In this video you have a white woman who is unfamiliar with the concept of cops being a bitch. She is doing her loudmouthed American woman thing and the cop was determined to show her that his low self-esteem cop thing was much more powerful. In short he was going to teach this tax paying citizen a lesson. So she tries to get the last word in and walk away ;but unlike most of us who learned sticks and stones in kindergarten, this cop decided he wanted to continue the altercation . So he wrestles the woman to the ground and then dry humps her on the ground while screaming stop resisting. You can actually hear him orgasming on top of her. So while he is in his refractory period he finally figures out that he can cuff her and then proceeds to cuff her hair as well. All the while grinding against her partially exposed butt.

Now the cop is a bitch because he could have
A) let her walk away like a professional
B) refrained from screaming "it is my station" (which is the fundamental problem
with cops it isn't his station at all it is our station and he works for us)
C) Restrained her without 4 minutes of sexual assault.




This is a picture of Dr. Henry Louis Gates being led away in handcuffs because he had the temerity to ask a police man for identification inside of his own home.




This video shows the execution of a young Black man two years ago.




A lot of people maybe thinking mouthy unattractive white chick and a young Black man I'm good with that fuck 'em . My point is that they are increasingly fucking with the rest of society with their chickenshit rules and regulations. Cleveland is literally a third world shithole but the cops have enough time to stand at the bottom of bridges to set up speed traps for citizens coming home from work. All of the major roads leading out of the city have cameras. On any given night you have bullshit sobriety checkpoints and click it or ticket stops. And my point is none of this is improving the quality of life or making things safer. My car was once towed while I was on vacation in Puerto Rico from in front of my house by a cop for being parked too close to the curb. Who knew that was even an offense?



Update this video was posted today. I think this dick is French

Kimchee Cheerleader Protest Tips

I seem to have a second blog dedicated to me from a kimchee cheerleader Korean American. All I have to say is I already have a Korean homosexual stalker writing a blog about me so I would like to suggest some other protest techniques that I would find more enjoyable. Since most of my detractors don't seem to live in Korea I suggest you go on Naver/Daum and convince some of your ancestral countrymen to stop fucking their doll pillows and get on board. Here is a sample schedule.

9:00 a.m.

1. Hara-Kiri- most of whats good about Korea comes from other places anyway so I would like to see some Korean netizens performing ritualized suicide in front of my apartment building.

Warning this one might get you killed

10:00 a.m.-Shit slinging - Since some Korean netizens delight in calling me a monkey I would like to see them appropriate monkey behavior as a form of protest.

11:00- a.m. take a rest Internet shopping and poorly worded death threats need to be sent around the world

12:00- Eat my flag- O.k. I don't have a flag but you can print off copies of the naked baby of Itaewon and eat him.

1:00 p.m.- You can go to one of the dog restaurants in the neighborhood and get a couple of dogs heads and line them up outside of my apartment.

2:00 p.m. Kimchi Power- If I am still not convinced, I think you should steal a live pig from one of the farmers, tie ropes to its hooves, and pull it apart. Korea Fighting!

>

3:00 p.m. Finger Chopping- Since I am Black and not very bright I suggest a group of you get together and chop off the finger you use for (masturbating) turning on the computer as a sign of protest.

4:00 p.m. follow a random foreigner around hoping to see irregal activities.

5:00 p.m. Dress up time- Have one of your followers dress like me; I'll provide the clothes, and then beat the shit out of him.

6:00 p.m. Noraebang and hand release. Go to a karaoke room and have dinner. Relax assess how the protest is going. Also you need to recruit some of the Nore-hoes for possible action in the future.

7:00 p.m. Show me your Korean spirit by covering yourself in thousands of bees. All those bee stings will really show me whose boss.

8:00 p.m. I'm just an ignorant nignog so you'll need to step it up by using one of your world famous kimch powered candlelight protest to set fire to all the local trees.

9:00 p.m. I'm just not learning so I suggest that you go to the store and purchase brand new computers and then burn them in the parking lot of my building to show disgust at my lack of respect for Korean culture.

10:00 It is getting late and I haven't learned a damn thing . How about defiantly spraying each other down with water hoses. Surely that will get through my negro-addled mind.

11:00 if nothing else works take the morning shift of whores and sit them in front of my building





and then send them in one by one until I'm convinced.

Dictated not read

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Love Hotels and Baby Condoms

In the last post I touched on the phenomenon of children living with their parents well into their adulthood. This extended pseudo-adolescents has real world ramifications when it comes to fucking. For example, you are a 30 year old guy living at home with your parents and somehow by hook or by crook you convince somebody to sleep with you. You could take her to one of the thousands of somewhat filthy bathhouses and try to slay her there if she is kind of slutty and is only interested in the semblance of privacy. Or you can take her to a DVD room pop in The Incredibles and try to nail her on the filthy couch before the movie ends(if this is your tact I suggest Batman, 2.5 hours long which is plenty of time for 2 maybe three sessions). But sometimes you feel a little romantic and that New Years 20.00 dollars is burning a hole in your pocket coupled with a few weeks allowance and you have enough for a Love Motel.

A Korean Love Motel is used primarily by people involved in all sorts of illicit fuckery. Co-worker fucking, spousal infidelity, business men ordering in talent, and youngsters still on the teet who need a safe discrete place with hidden covered parking to get their rocks off all go to Love Motels.

This Love Motel was called the cube and I apologize for not getting a picture of the gaudy exterior but picture a large square red lacquered eye sore lit up so that its Titanic level tackiness can be witnessed for miles around and you pretty much got it. The Love Motels are one of the only uni formally clean buildings in Korea and this was no exception. After you get your keys and take the elevator to your floor you are confronted with English gibberish on the wall.

The rooms are pretty nice. Nice large bed with actual sheets; though I have heard that some love motels offer rooms with pallets if you like sleeping/fucking on the floor, flat screen t.v., refrigerator with drinks, water dispenser(because remember you can't drink the water) and a computer just in case you want to play Sudden Attack prior to, after,or in lieu of fucking. On the bed there is usually a pouch which contains lube, razor, bubble bath and baby condoms. I don't know where they get these shits from but it is not normal how tight those things are. If you don't have access to Korean baby condoms but you would like to replicate the sensation in your home, all you have to do is go to the .99 cent store and buy the cheapest smallest balloons they have take one of the balloons blow it up and then let the air out. Then try to slip it over your foot without tearing it.


From the bed you can watch usually two channels of K-porn. K-porn like K-pop is a cheaply produced derivative of better porn produced elsewheree. From what I have been able to gather most of the porn seems to revolve around a girl coming to a guys tenement during the afternoon, an argument ensues, she says wheyyyy in a high pitch squeal of annoyance hits the guy in the arm, smash cut they are laying in the bed fully clothed, cut away and then he is removing the single unsexiest skirt in history(think something a nun would be comfortable in) and then he removes her pantyhose , smash cut again to huge flesh colored lingerie( but it's not even Korean flesh colored it's Caucasian like a band-aid) smash cut again to her on her back like an overturned turtle with her legs flailing in the air, eyes tightly shut, and her fist tightly clinched. They don't show junk here and all the transitions are so awkward that they couldn't possibly be fucking. The other channel showed pixeled Japanese porn.

The next morning after the regret, disappointment, and apologies for the soju dick you step into the hallway praying you don't recognize anybody from the screen golf center or your wife's hagwon coffee klatch and you see this sign

And everything is all better


Dictated not read

An Idiot's Life

By blackchild | View this Toon at ToonDoo | Create your own Toon

Smithee: Oh Goody my wife comes back in 3 days
Good thing because I'm down to my last 5.00 dollars
If I'm lucky it will be one of the three days of the month she isn't on the rag.

Dog: Fuck me I wish I was a bowl of soup

By blackchild | View this Toon at ToonDoo | Create your own Toon

Panel 2
You da vely stoopid man
You no remember sing and dancing academy

Once Upon A Time in Korea (An Idiot's Tale)

Once upon a time not long ago
When people wore pajamas and lived life slow
There was a boy named Smithee
who lived a sad life that was quite a pity


Smithee was born to a mother who was/is a racist hag
And an uncle who was a racist fag
Now his life was quite sad you see
Because while being one he couldn't seem to get any pussy



So our hero Smithee
Sailed across the East Sea
Thinking to himself maybe I can get some pussy
In the land of kimchi





He landed in Korea
And oh what luck
He found that Korean Mud Ducks
Would actually let him fuck



In Korea his time was sublime
Soju, norebang, p.c. rooms, and mountains to climb
He became the greatest of the great kimchi cheerleaders
Until that faithful day he met his own kimchi crotchbleeder


With her large kimchi head and tiny black eyes
She knew our boy Smithee would be quite a prize
She said to herself that it would be fun I suppose
To lead a stupid waegookin around by the nose

Now being an honest woman she was a bitch from the start
Making him carry her purse around the local E-Mart
He should have run at this part
But too late children he already gave her his heart

Standing around smiling stupidly at all her family events
The decisions of our boy Smithee made no sense
Then one day our hero got down on one knee to propose
And with that act a lifetime of indentured servitude he chose



Now this Dragon Cunt would bitch about life in all of its facets
And to punctuate her points her sharp tounge and left hook were her greatest assets
She controlled his money,his fashion, his comings and going ,all but his drinking
What a Titanic size mistake I made with my life he is thinking

After 10 years of perpetual PMS
Our boy Smithee gets an idea, he knows what's best
He said" I know what to do , I know how to treat her
I'll do what Whoopi told Harpo to do and beat her





Imagine two bitches slapping each other as she smiles her Dragon Cunt smile with glee
For your egregious act of slapping me
I will now go out and buy a shitty puppy
Well I am Smithee and I am going to run around outside naked to embarass your family.


Now being a Dragon Cunt she decides to take a vacation
Leaving our hero a shitty dog, 400 bucks,and Youporn masturbation
To this qagumire of shit the wise Mike in Korea tried to lend a hand
But our champion rebuffed him because his man pussy was filled with sand


His apartment full of shit, empty Jinro, and dog, life is now hard
Especially with no money, bankbook , or atm card
You see Dragon Cunt doesn't trust our savior Smithhee with money for fear he may flee
So she gave all of his financial information to her mommy

What to do in this situation he drew a blank
While 99.999% of people would just go to the bank
So on his hands his knees to the evil Rice Queen he did crawl
Scared to explain to the evil Dragon Cunt any unauthorized withdrawal

To Smithee, Mike was taught to be a "Man for Others" and a helper
So here is the number for a Seoul Battered Women's Shelter (02 2263-6465)
To my children I hope you enjoyed the tale but Smithee won't live happily
But please please please remember the moral to the story
You can be a man
Or you can be a Smithee

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

What Kind of Fuckery is This?

I'll start in with the Thailand stories in a few days. I use to live here when I was studying Muay Thai so I have a lot of thoughts and impression about my favorite country. In the meantime I have been reading two blogs fairly regularly. The first Korea is Best is probably the best humor blog I have ever read. It is almost spot on in the type of conversations waegookin must endure in kimchiland. The second blog is Idiot(which you can click on down below on the right). Now I don't read his blog for his shitty 80's music, or his ramblings on global economics or U.S. politics, or even his helpful hints on how I should react to Korean racism. No children I read his stories because I find the interplay between Idiot and his wife fascinating. According to Idiot she spends at least a quarter of every month being a violent bitch towards him. Now this isn't an isolated incident of emasculated manhood on the peninsula by any means. I have met or know currently about 8 guys who have married Korean girls and each one tells stories of varying degrees of this fuckery. 5 of the guys I know receive either a daily or weekly allowance. Let that sink in children adult men receiving an allowance. Even in Idiot's tale he had to ask his wife to leave him more than 10.00 dollars when she was planning to leave for 3 days. I have been told on 3 seperate occasions of husbands being told by their wives that they should pee sitting down. One guy once told me that the hierarchy in his house was as follows; his mother in law, his wife , his older sister in law , and then him.A little history, a lot of these cats were getting average to below average white pussy back in their home countries with significant effort but they land in Korea flashing that beautiful white skin and these K-girls fall down and spread their legs. Most of these guys will enjoy being an overvalued commodity in this particular marketplace for awhile and then cycle back home. A few of the more unfortunate blokes will marry Korean girls and bring a direct pipeline of Korean Bullshit into their homes. For their part these Korean chicks marry these foreign dudes as a hustle. If a Korean woman marries a Korean man she has to answer to his mother. If he is the first born son then she has lifelong responsibilities to his parents. If they have children and divorce the kids go to the man in most situations here. The behavioral expectations of a Korean man for his wife are so high that white guys are seen as an escape from the traditional Korean Bullshit they would otherwise have to endure(I'll talk about it more in Korean Sex Game Part II).To put it in "nigger code" the white boys here are a "rest haven for hoes".

Since Idiot was nice enough to give me advice on how to handle Koreans I will now return the favor by telling him how to handle his wife.



Step 1 You Can Act Like A Man



A lot of these dudes like being taken care of like children. They like to be told to wear tacky Samsung shiny suits with pink ties and Bedazzled dress shirts. They like being told what to eat by mommy and they like to receive an allowance. They'll justify all of this by saying it is easier for her to do it for me because I'm not Korean and I don't know how to do it or I don't speak the language. But if you call them on their bullshit they retreat to the old bromide of well the" Dragon Lady won't let me..." So what these cats need to do a.s.a.p is start wresting control out of the hands of the woman( the secret is most women don't want control you weak sons of bitches because their is nothing as unsettling to a woman than a weak mate). On Monday morning go to the bank and open up an account for your paycheck. Step two have your wife or girlfriend bring you all the monthly bills plus projected spending money. Step 3 have her request a certain amount of money from you every month. Step 4 give her 20.00 dollars less than she asked for and tell her to make it work.


Step 2 If you have to hit your woman more than once(in life) you have already failed.

I was watching that Mutual of Omaha Wild America Series when I was a kid and I saw a segment on the wolverine. According to the show if a bear crossed the path of a wolverine the bear would turn back because it wouldn't be worth the fight. As a man you need to establish in the beginning that any act of aggression will be met with disproportionate force. I have never had to raise my voice to any woman I have ever been with because I do a good job of screening out crazy or uncooperative women. But if a woman was to strike she me she wouldn't do it twice.

Da Bin: Where have you been?
So Young: Girl, I slapped Mike in Korea in the face and the next thing I know I
was in the trunk of a Daewoo

Hyori: Why are you shaking?
Min Jee: Girl, I tried to kick Mike in Korea in the balls and I woke up tied to
a rock in the damn Han River

Soo Young: Are you okay? what happened last night I heard you yelling and then a
crash and then silence?
Tae young: I was yelling at Mike in Korea and he was ignoring me and playing his
PS3 when I picked up a plate and threw at his head. In one motion he
paused the game , put down the controller , caught the plate and sat it
on the table. He then looked at me and the next thing I remember I was
in a Korean pink pussy box with a sign that said 2 for 5 around my neck.





Step 3 Stop making excuses for her behavior


When I talk to cats or read their accounts on the internet they frequently say she isn't mean all of the time, or her hormones are off due to pregnancy or pms, or it is just her culture. Bullshit, if she was the executive secretary for the Chairman of Samsung I guarantee she would not be giving him shit a couple of days per month. She didn't grow up giving her father a bunch of shit because she was on the rag, and if she went to school in Korea in the late 80's early 90's I guarantee she didn't get lippy with the male staff of her school. No my friend she saved that bullshit for you the man she loves.

Step 4 Role Models

You need to find a drunken old Korean man with jet black hair (with hair plugs) in his seventies who doesn't speak English and ask him to school you. Now he will probably tell you to go fuck yourself for dating/marrying a Korean girl but once you get past that he will be a wealth of information. A lot of you bastards don't know this but I lived with an old Korean family for 9 months during one of my tours here. It was me and Grandma and Grandpa. Now grandpa was the best, this dude would come into the apartment take off his sport coat and throw it right on the floor and grandma would practically slip n slide across the polished wood floors picking it up. . When food came into the house grandma would make his plate , serve him, and then make everyone else's plate. Sometimes he would come home at 4 a.m. drunk and singing and shit. He would also invite random unsavory characters over for drinks and cigarettes at all times of the day and night because he didn't care his home was his fiefdom and you had to respect him. He never washed a dish, or ironed his clothes, or cooked a meal and when he got sick grandma slept outside of his door on a plastic bench. She wouldn't even leave to get food. I couldn't imagine grandma telling grandpa here is your weekly allowance. Or come straight home after work. It was Mr. Park's birthday last weekend so let's all salute my favorite person in Korea.




Step 5 Detente

Finally, if you insist on being with the woman because you have aged out of the Korean dating pool and you don't feel you can upgrade from her, or you have kids, or you don't want to lose your house and money( I once met a guy who divorced a Korean woman and he lost his house and all the money he slaved away to save It think it was 40,000 dollars or so. . What he got in return was to get the fuck out of Korea when the marriage was dissolved since he never established formal residency) then you need to negotiate a new type of relationship. Maybe roomates, or friends with benefits, or an open marriage. Who knows but some you fellas have established so many pussy precedents that the internal rot of your relationship is permanent.

It is difficult to be a man and lead a family but remember the words of the great Michael Corleone "Right or wrong, I'm the head of this family".