This is why I don't give a fuck about America

This is part of an American political campaign ad.



To all the Black children out there it never mattered. It doesn't matter how hard you work to buy in to the American system. This is how they see us. We are the only people on the face of the Earth that it is o.k. to do this. Oh they'll try to tell you that if you change your diction and adopt our value system you can do anything. But the reality is this is how they see us. So why bother trying?

The 10 Kimchi Commandments

In honor of Flint







Rule #1 Honesty is not the Best Policy
In the land of kimchi
You'll be up shit's creek
If you don't lie and sneak
Take it from me
Honesty is costly
I told my boss I was leaving
So 1.5(mil) she was thieving

#2 Leave the Koreans Be
Did you come here to make friends or to make money
I don't know about you
But I'm no dope
When I want to see Koreans up close
I use a telescope.

#3 Don't trust nobody
Surrounded by the Korean phoney
And the foreigner clown
don't be a standup dude when everybody else sits down



#4
Never cause a Korean to lose face
unless you want major problems in this place
Surrounded by luxury and riches
if embarassed they still act like bitches
For my money the best idea
is to play the stupid waegook in Korea

#5 That contract aint worth the toilet paper in a fat ladies ass crack
You might think it's your most prized possession
But this is Korea son
and those are just suggestions

#6 That Goddamn credit
dead it
Think a Korean is grateful for extra work
forget it
All that spicy kimchi
Causes real short memory
Tell them it is quid pro quo
Want something from me
let's discuss time off or doe

#7 This rule is for the long legged Mack Daddy novice
But For any true player completely obvious
Keep your money and your bitch completely seperated
Otherwise you'll sound like a real dummy
asking your mother-in-law for an advance on Your money.

#8 Stay out of Korean Bullshit
Whatever the situation is you can't help it
With your "Truth, Justice and the American Way"
I once saw a chick getting her ass kicked and I looked the other way
Because if I would have laid hands on him who do you think would have to pay?


#9 Keep your fucking hands to your self
Unless you like handing over your wealth
Don't believe me
The going rate for striking a Korean in self-defense is 4.3(mil won)
If you have to fight I suggest you win quick
When he does his Tae Kwon Do Show
Kick him in the dick


#10 Should have been #1 for me
Never lose sight of the money
You are not a teacher
And this is not a school
You are a parent appeaser
Being employed by a fool
So the #1 golden rule of teachers of Englishee
Say whatever you want it's cool
But at the end of the day fuck you pay me

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Feats of Negrotude

As the designated darkie for much of Korea I am sometimes called upon to do or explain Black culture to the ignorant. Now if you are ignorant; and I am in a great mood, I have no problem in learning you about the African-American experience in postindustrial America. But sometimes children the Koreans expect a certain level of coonery from me that I am not comfortable with. This causes much consternation in my employers as some of them expected Flavor Flav but got Louis Farrakhan instead.

My first job in Korea was at a school called International Sesamee with Cunt Lee and gay husband. Well Cunt Lee would rarely speak to us because she was embarassed at how poorly she spoke English; even though she supposedly had a MA in Education from Arizona State University, so she would have one of her revolving cast of minions(the school probably had a 600% employee turnover rate) speak to the foreign staff. So one day the school manager comes up to me about an open class for the parents. Now at the school/plantation I was suppose to refer to all the Koreans as Mr. or Mrs. Lee,Kim etc. So I insisted on being called by my last name as well.

Stupid Minion: Mike I need to talk to you
Me : Who?
SM : You, I need to talk to you?
Me : What's my name?
SM : O.k. Harris
Me : Thank you Mr. Kim please continue

They refused to say Mr. Harris and that shit would happen 5x a day. Then he would say something stupid like do you breakdance? Now, children Black people stopped breakdancing in 1984 when it reached its nadir with this movie.






After Shaba Doo was finished with it we never wanted to see a giant radio or another piece of refrigerator cardboard again.

Me :So when the mothers come in to meet their children's English teacher you would
like for me to poplock and do a windmill?
SM :Yes
Me :No. How about buck dancing or ">hambone
SM :I don't understand, do you know rap song parents think it cutie
Me : Really, you think parents want their children to learn a rap song?
SM : yes very cutie


Now I can smell coonery a mile away and i wouldn't have had a problem if everyone had to do ethnically stereotypical shit.Hey Irishman we are going to need you to ">Riverdance and sing "When Irish Eyes are Smiling" . New Zealand girl you have the option of doing a traditional Maori wardance or ">castrating a sheep with your teeth.


Being the good employee that I am I embarked on a mission to teach 5 year olds a rap song.To do this I selected the greatest rap song in the history of rap music. That's right children.

\
You have not lived until you have heard 15 Korean 5 year olds sing "you can just eat me out" at the top of their lungs. So everyday my boss would ask me how the song is going and if I was practicing. I said of course Mr.Kim. A week before the performance he asked to see the performance and I tried to sort of muffle the opening "motherfucking mouth" but he caught it and said the song had bad language. I said really but lot's of singing for the children and rapping for me.It was later decided that I shouldn't teach any open classes.